Sunday, December 7, 2014

Conduits & Listening: #reverb14 Days 4 & 5

We are all lightning rods, conduits for that which the Universe wants born into this world. What energies did you channel this year?

What is the sound of your own voice?

I'm slightly behind already in #reverb14. Although, no. I'm not behind. These posts just needed a couple extra days to swim through my brain before my writing soul was ready to put them to paper.

I absolutely believe that we are all bundles of energy and each interaction is an exchange of energy. I know that I get anxious when I'm around people whose energy is negative and drags me down. I have learned I am actually quite intuitive regarding other people and I know by now to believe when my intuition tells me someones energy is not positive.

I've said for many years that being a yoga teacher is fabulous, yet also requires so much energy. Not just physical energy. Not just mental/intellectual energy. But spiritual energy. Healing energy.

In the past year I've realized and accepted that despite my love of teaching, despite not having a fear of public speaking and despite everyone elses perception of me, I am actually an introvert. Sure I don't mind being in the front of the room. But I also need time to retreat to recover and be alone. I don't mind large groups. But even in the middle of a large group I often feel isolated.

I have had students that, although I love them and I love the challenge they present, they just mentally drain me. They take so much of my energy I literally feel exhausted after teaching them.

I've been told I'm a good yoga teacher. And I know I put my heart and soul in to it. I've been told I have good energy. But it's an area I make far more deposits than withdrawals.

But sometimes, when I really really need it most, yet won't admit it, I am forced to make a withdraw.

More than once these past few weeks previous students of mine have come to my aid. They know I've been struggling and they know me well enough to know that part of my struggle is being there for everyone else and making sure they are OK. While neglecting myself when I'm not OK.

These women, who had one time stood on their mat in front of me so unsure of themselves, have sought me out and reminded me of what I have taught them. They have used my own words against me. Not against me. They have used my own words and directed them to me, for me.

My voice when I teach yoga is different than in normal conversation. When I step foot in to the yoga room my tone, clarity and cadence change without me being conscious of it. As I've spoken to these women, their voices have changed. Even if it's not in person, I can feel their energy leaning in to me. Whispering to me to ground myself and find my balance.

They have become the conduit for my own voice to reverberate back to me.

This post is part of #reverb14, a series of daily writing prompts to explore the year passed and to manifest the year ahead. This prompt was found at Kat McNally Words To Soothe The Weary Soul.

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