Here's what people don't understand about depression:
It is totally possible to feel happy and alive at 9am yet feel hopeless and distraught at 10am.
The 10am hopeless feeling lasts longer and is buried deeper than the 9am happy.
It's possible to be depressed when people say you have "no reason to be depressed".
Depression is sneaky and can hit without warning.
But sometimes I see it up ahead. I know it's coming. And even when I do all the self care things I know I need to do it happens anyway.
You can't just "snap out of " depression.
Most of the time I can paint a smile on my face and mask the depression until I'm alone again. In fact I'm really good about cracking jokes to friends about it. But inside I'm not laughing.
Depression makes me believe I'm weak and a failure.
I know the depression is just in my head. That's the problem. It's in my f'ing head and I can't get it out!