Saturday, December 5, 2015

But At What Cost #Reverb15

As the year ends, and we look back at the joys, achievements and disappointments of the past twelve months, it's worth taking some time to recognise what our efforts have demanded of us and where our resources have been depleted.

Whether you have spent 2015 bringing some long-cherished project to fruition or simply trying to keep your head above water, it's likely that this has come at some cost to you.

How can you replenish your (physical, mental, spiritual and/or emotional) resources? What do you need most of all at this moment?

Busy, busy, busy. That's me.

But hard work pays off. This year I published my book, wrote a few big pieces that were very well received, began freelancing for a couple independent media sources, worked multiple part time jobs, oh yeah and still was full time mom to my six kids.

But at what cost?

Well, I'm tired. My back hurts from my new night job. I don't do nearly as much non-assigned writing as I used to.

I stayed married for 23 years because I thought it would be best for the kids. But at what cost?
I hope my daughters don't grow up to think they, too,  need to endure addiction and abuse just because they took a vow.

I finally divorced from the bad marriage and took on sole custody of the six kids. But at what cost?
I don't know how being raised by a mom, with a dad who never shows up for events or visitation, will affect my kids when they become parents.

I work multiple jobs to keep us financially afloat so the kids don't have to go without too much. But at what cost?
I wonder if they will look back and know mom did the best she could or if they will look back and realize they didn't get all the same perks their friends did.

My writing that has garnered the most attention has been open and raw and honest. I've received amazing feedback from people thanking me for letting them know they aren't alone. But at what cost? I've also had some truly horrible comments made to me. Hurtful, vile comments from anonymous trolls on the Internet.

But at what cost is always the question.

Recently, three unrelated people asked me if I'm dating. When I laughed and said no they asked why. When would I possibly have the time? The energy? Their point wasn't that I should actually be dating, I know what they really meant was I need to make time for me. To make sure I am taken care of as well.

Yes, I not only understand but agree.  I've turned down two offers to travel these past few months. The cost (not even necessarily financial) was just too high.

I suppose I could take a night off of work. Or splurge and get a pedicure. Right now I'm staying up way too late to write.

But, as always, at what cost?

This post is part of #Reverb15, a series of daily writing prompts found at Kat McNally Words To Soothe The Weary Soul. 


  1. Wow - this is a powerful post. I don't think I can do better than quote your own words back at you - 'open and raw and honest'.

  2. I second Kathleen's statement - this is a powerful post. It sounds like you are definitely juggling a lot of plates, along with a lot of worries about how your children will turn out as they progress into adults so I would gently encourage you to PLEASE make time for good self care. As a child of divorce with a selfish 'non participating' father and funcitonal but emotionally unavailable mother, the best thing you can do for your children is to role model GOOD SELF CARE, to take care of your inner spirit and mental health. Your children will see the HEALTHY BEHAVIOR as 'normal' and begin to practice it for themselves, and we need more healthy, emotionally stable people who practice self care in the world! As a meme I recently saw on Facebook states: 'people who love themselves (and others) don't act like a$$holes'.
    Thank you for sharing your story (and previous reverb posts!) here - looking forward to seeing the rest of your reverb posts ahead!

  3. I am tired just reading this post. Self sacrifice is a difficult and challenging. And the cost factor is important. What does it serve? Who does it serve? Thank you for sharing these words - I look forward to hearing more.