Monday, December 30, 2013

Phoenix Rising - Soon

Phoenix by Amy Brown
"2013 was your Phoenix year"

Yes, but the Phoenix rose up from the ashes and soared. My wings are still a bit dirty and I'm still
practicing taking offs.

I'm nowhere close to flying.

I still have days filled with self doubt and a big time lack of confidence. I take full responsibility for this being my issue. No matter what anyone says, only I have the power to allow myself to feel small. I've gotten much better about not listening to those who want to bring me down. What I still struggle with though is listening to my own voices telling me I'm not good enough.

Some days the voices whisper. Some days they shout.

And on days like today when they are shouting at me I don't know how to shut them up.

So when someone says something nice to me I don't know how to respond except list all the ways they are wrong.  It's how I play nice with my voices.

Now logically I know that playing nice and keeping the peace has never gotten me where I wanted to be. But it's what I'm used to. Be a good girl, don't cause trouble. Just be quiet because it probably won't work anyway.

I know I will never rise and fly until I reframe my thinking. What if I do speak up? What if it does work out?

Instead of asking what is the worst that can happen, I want to start asking what is the best that can happen?

Maybe finally then those voices in my head will shut the f* up.

And I will fly.

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