"Mom, we're gonna look Southern!"
Kid 5's warning stopped me only briefly in Lowes today.
"No, these aren't Southern" I told him. "They are hippie yoga chakra wheels!"
"Yeah, that's so much better."
Southern yard art is a real thing; colorful glass bottles made into trees, little gnome tree houses, even pie tins hanging from the tree branches.
But not my yoga chakra wheels that spin when the wind blows! The colors of each one correspond perfectly to the chakras so they must be intended as more than just yard art.
Now true Southern yard art is the five-foot tall multi-colored gaudy metal rooster sold at the garden center up the street.
Every time I see it I wonder who would want this monstrosity sitting in their front yard. If it were mine I would decorate it for each of the seasons. A Santa hat on the rooster's head at Christmas and an Easter basket in the Spring.
It is a truly hideous piece of yard art.
It's so hideous it's fabulous and I want it. The only thing stopping me is the $300 price tag and some remaining common sense and dignity.
But every time we drive by I look at it and think someday that horrible metal creature will be mine.
This is either a sign of an impending mental breakdown or Kid 5 is right and I have been down here in the South way too long.