Mom died two years ago and I've had very few signs of her since. I've been wondering why she hasn't shown up these last few months when I've had so much trauma thrust upon me and really needed her. At times I've been glad she's not here because she'd be beyond pissed at the way her daughter and her grandchildren have been treated. And at times I've been pissed she wasn't here for me when I needed her so badly.
Today I heard from her loud and clear. It came through on a radio station I never listen to and a song I've never heard before - Miranda Lambert's "Mommas Broken Heart". I don't usually listen to country music so apparently this isn't a new song and I'm the last of my friends to here it.
I cut my bangs with some rusty kitchen scissors
I screamed his name ‘til the neighbors called the cops
I numbed the pain at the expense of my liver
Don’t know what I did next all I know, I couldn’t stop
Word got around to the barflies and the baptists
My mama’s phone started ringin’ off the hook
I can hear her now sayin’ she ain’t gonna have it
Don’t matter how you feel, it only matters how you look
I sat in the Kroger parking lot listening to the song laughing and crying. If my mom were here, she'd sure be saying "I ain't gonna have it! Don't you lower your standards or hang your head over someone else's shame."
My mom would not put up with bullshit or being treated poorly and she wouldn't stand by and watch me put up with it either. My momma raised me better than that.
So many people have asked me how I do it. How have I stayed on the high road when others around me have sunk to new lows? How am I not so angry that I want the pleasure of revenge? How can I handle having full and complete custody and raise six kids all by myself?
The answer is always my momma raised me better than that.
Go and fix your make up, girl, it’s just a break up
Run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady
'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
My momma raised me to believe that family comes first. My momma taught me a promise is a promise. Right is right and wrong is wrong. You don't hurt people and you don't allow people to hurt you.
My momma also taught me it's OK to fall down when you get sucker punched, but there comes a time you get your ass out of bed and get back to work. So when people tell me stories of the craziness that they went through in their divorces, I hear my mom's voice reminding me "honey, they aren't worth it." Living well and being happy is the only revenge worth going after.
Powder your nose, paint your toes
Line your lips and keep 'em closed
Cross your legs, dot your I’s
And never let 'em see you cry
And one last thing she taught me, never let them see you cry. Wipe your tears, hold your head high, hug your babies and do what you got to do.
This isn't the official video, but I like this version better.