Thursday, January 16, 2014

Quiet Moments To Begin The Day

Kid 5 told me tonight he was going to wake up 20 minutes earlier than usual for school tomorrow morning. 

Why do you want to do that I asked?

So we can get back to bed sooner!

My 11-year-old didn't mean he was already looking forward to going to bed tomorrow night. No, he meant he was looking forward to our new morning ritual, crawling back into bed and snuggling together the last few minutes before it's time to leave for the bus. 

I don't remember exactly when we began this new routine. Surely it was a morning that I was exhausted before the sun even rose and I attempted to crawl into bed while the kids finished getting ready for school.

With kids in each of the elementary, middle and high schools we have staggered times for waking up and for leaving the house in the morning. Kid 4 leaves the house first to catch the bus. As a preteen girl she's usually busy flat ironing her already straight hair up until it's time to leave for school. As she grabs her assorted Vera Bradley gear ( I swear between the purse, backpack and lunch box she looks like Vera Bradley threw up on her ) she walks back to my room for one last goodbye. 

Kids 2 & 3 are next. They just sit on the couch in silence until Kid 2 says come on and they go get in his car to drive to the high school. Even though they are teen boys they still look over their shoulder and say goodbye and love you while walking out the door. 

Kids 5 & 6 are the last to leave yet lately are the first to be finished getting ready for school. Once I finish kid 6's hair (bun or french braid today?) she runs off to brush her teeth and debate with her brother who gets to lay next to mommy.

After one early morning of arguing over who got to lay next to me I nipped that in the bud pretty quick and I now lay in the middle of the bed. The two remaining kids climb in next to me and pull up the covers. 

Sometimes we talk and sometimes we lay there and doze. I've learned to set my iPhone alarm just in case we do fall back asleep. Missing the bus would certainly ruin the calm of the morning.

I've written before about my difficulties with Kid 5 since the divorce, so this morning ritual is even more special to me knowing he's willing to get up even earlier to have quiet time with me. An argument the night before is always forgiven and forgotten the next morning. 

My hope is the peaceful start to the day will carry with each of my kids as they venture away from the sanctuary of home and out into the world. 

Caught napping together a few years ago when Kid 5 was
much smaller and I was much blonder.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Taking the High Road - It's Exhausting

One of my new friends recently said how tired she was always staying on the high road.

Tired? I'm downright exhausted.

Always trying to say the right thing. To do the right thing. To not cause trouble. To meet everyone elses needs totally forgetting my own. To do what is best for the kids.

When you stay on the high road it takes all your strength to hold on when it would just be so much easier to let go and fall. Staying on the high road means I don't get to throw the well-deserved tantrum I want to throw!

I don't know how else to stay on the high road except to swallow my ego, bite my tongue and paint a smile on my face.

When discussing my bite my tongue philosophy, another friend reminded me "sainthood generally gets you burned, at the stake if nothing else". But I in no way think I'm vying for sainthood.

Some days I am far from saintly. Tonight was one of those nights. It had already been a rough couple of days and tonight I was having an issue with one of the kids that I have had repeatedly since the divorce. We've been to counseling, I've been firm and I've been loving. And yet we keep repeating the same pattern.

It's exhausting!

And tonight I lost my shit. I mean I LOST IT. I threw my long over due temper tantrum reminding certain children who the adult in this house is and everyone follows the same rules and yeah sometimes life isn't fair and I don't want to deal with this anymore so just go to bed. NOW.

Apparently it was a good temper tantrum because even kid 4, my preteen girl who is just like me, got quiet and took herself to bed too.

So tonight I let out a roar and my grip on the high road slipped just a little. But it's OK. In fact I think it was necessary.

Sometimes standing up for yourself is more important than what road you're on.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

A Peaceful Start To The New Year

Sleep late.
Wake up to a sunny day.

Roll out my yoga mat.
Pranyama and asana. 
Puja Ceremony.
Orange ribbons blowing in the breeze. 
One ribbon for what I'm ready to release, one for what I shall manifest.
Tossing rice into the fire. 
Washing my hands in the waters of the Gange River.
My hands being draped with a Tibetan prayer scarf.

Home to sit in the sun at the park
Kids laughing
A good book

Time with friends

A new moon

Hope and plans for a healthy, happy, fruitful, loving New Year.