The Key To Happiness Is Time

Today was a  typical Sunday - my normal one day off per week. Me and the kids did the usual grocery shopping, house cleaning, back to school shopping, yard work, laundry and meal prep that normally happens on our "day of rest".

Just as I was about to start dinner, the one night per week I try to make a sit-down healthy family meal, I stepped outside first to find kid 5 teaching his puppy to jump through a hoop. I've been telling him for awhile now that I really think this dog could learn some neat tricks.

She's a rescue pup, so we aren't totally sure of her lineage, but based on the way she can jump we are thinking she definitely has some Jack Russell Terrier in her.

Well, after just a quick minute, he had that dog jumping through the hoop almost a foot off the ground!

I bet we stayed outside almost an hour just playing with the dog and taking video of her jumping.

Eventually we remembered we were hungry and I came inside to make dinner.

After dinner I stepped out back to talk to Kid 3 about coordinating all our schedules for the week. Each of the kids drifted out to follow me and we all sat outside for over an hour as the sun went down.

Not only was it the first Memphis night that wasn't sweltering hot, it's also the last weekend we have before school starts back again.

We all just felt laid back, relaxed and unhurried. Of course, though, being siblings it can never stay totally relaxed. Kids 4 & 5 challenged each other to a race, then a rematch, Kid 6 got a little loud trying to make everyone laugh and the dog was running around like crazy in the middle of it all.

It was fabulous.

I realized the key to everything tonight was time. I took the time to enjoy being outside, the time to just be with the kids without having a schedule or accomplishing a to-do list. I had the time available where I wasn't working, wasn't worried about getting back to work and wasn't worried about how to make more money  -- I just simply took the time to enjoy life for a bit.

I'm normally so busy trying to earn enough money just to get by that I don't feel like I have time to take time off.

I've always heard that money can't buy happiness. My response has always been I am willing to try! But tonight I realized that if money could just buy me more off time, more down time, I could be happy.

Money would relieve so much of my stress. Allowing me to enjoy the time I do have.

I realize that sounds like a greedy statement. But the reality is I am raising 6 kids on a single mom budget. I'm one of those Americans who has way too much credit debt, not from family vacations or shopping sprees, but from buying gas and groceries and kids sneakers. Not to mention school fees, car insurance and everything else that comes along with raising a family. Those expenses that you can't just cut back on.

Financial stress affects every part of my life. It even seeps into the fun times by making me think I shouldn't be just sitting here doing nothing, even if it is enjoying time with my family.

Down time is time that could be working. A nice meal is nothing more than another charge to my account. I keep a running total in my head of expenses during trips away for graduations or dance competitions. Believe me, adding up costs really takes the fun out of fun times.

But somehow tonight I forgot all that for a little bit.

I just enjoyed my time with my family and remembered that is why I work the way I do.

A Very Loud Very Crowded Week

YOU ALL ARE HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, TERRIBLE CHILDREN!

I've said that more than once this week. Kid 2 is home on leave from his new Navy duty station so all six kids are together for the first time since Christmas.

It's been a week of picking on each other, instigating trouble, inappropriate jokes, extremely loud video game playing, moving back and forth between bedrooms, all ganging up on me for fun and other obnoxious behavior.

I absolutely love it and have been smiling all week.

It's really interesting to watch them interact with each other knowing their time is limited. To see how although they are all mostly young adults now, they still revert to child-like sibling rivalry. They really are growing up yet they are strongly bonded together.

My hope is that someday they will all be grown and independent, yet still gather together at my house to make a mess and make me crazy.

That will be my definition of a parenting success.

An Almost Not Good, But Turned Out To Be Very Good Day

Today was a good day. One of those days that you have to hold on and be grateful for when they come around.

It had potential though to NOT be a good day.

We were supposed to leave early tomorrow morning on a road-trip adventure to Minneapolis. Kid 3, myself and Kid 5 had been planning this for weeks. We would see Kid 3's girlfriend, meet her family and visit the Mall of America.

But then about 1:30 this afternoon I got the phone call.

Kid 3's car needed about $700 worth of repair work. And the repairs were serious safety issues so they couldn't be put off until later.

We would be driving my car the 12 1/2 hours to Minneapolis, so transportation wasn't an issue. The $700 was the issue.

Kid 3 had enough to pay for the road trip, or enough to pay for the car. One of those crappy adult responsibility decisions that suck whether you are 18 or 48.

I am proud to say with very little hesitation he realized the road trip was off and he needed to pay for the car repairs.

That could have ruined the day. In the past I think it would have.

But not today.

This evening I had to go back to work to personal train just one client. Kids 3 and 5 came with me and got in a good workout themselves. When we got home, the rest of the kids joined us and we went to our favorite local burger and wings restaurant.

We didn't know the restaurant had started a new weekly trivia night every Wednesday. We had so much fun playing along as a family. It's even more fun playing now that the kids are teenagers and young adults and realizing how smart and well read they have become.

Between trivia rounds and burger bites, we got caught up on each others busy lives, laughed and genuinely enjoyed each others company.

Those rare moments of living life with ease are very special indeed.

Just A Magical Memorable Thursday Night

You are a Great mom and I think u became a better mom when u became mom And dad !

I've decided that compliment means more to me than any other I've received lately.

Tonight was just a Thursday night. Like most other Thursday nights we've had the past couple years.

But then, something changed.

It started with Kid 5 asking to pick up his friend and go PokemonGo hunting. I, as usual, groaned and told him how tired I was. But then Kid 4, and this is the really weird part, said "oh come on, I'll drive and we'll just go out for a bit."

(Note: Kid 4 has her permit and looks for any excuse to drive. But to help her younger brother hunt Pokemon? No, never.)

While Kid 5 and his friend ran through the park hunting Pokemon, Kid 4 and I sat by the car and listened to 80's and 90's music: Black Eyed Peas, Backstreet Boys, old Gwen Stefani hits. We sat by the car and sang loud. We laughed louder. We even busted out a few dance moves.

Three fun-filled hours later I got this comment on one of my Facebook posts from the evening:

You are a Great mom and I think u became a better mom when u became mom And dad !

Wow. I had to think about that for a minute. And, I think she's right.

I think I did become a bit of a better mom when I took on the role of mom and dad.

After the dust settled from the divorce, and the kids accepted the new reality that they had a father who no longer wanted to be a part of their life, the burden of being mom and dad fell to me.

But with the burden came freedom as well. 

So much of the pressure was off. I was no longer afraid to upset my ex-husband or to make him mad. I no longer was constantly on guard for his next outburst or had to be hyper vigilant to make sure he didn't act out towards the kids.

Both me and the kids were free to finally be ourselves. We now had the freedom to laugh without the fear of angering him. 

At one point tonight, Kid 4 asked if I realized it was already 11:30. 

"Oh, shoot no I didn't. Hey have you heard of MC Hammer," I asked as I started singing along to Can't Touch This. 

We never would have felt comfortable enough to be hanging out in a local park at 11:30pm singing and catching Pokemon. We would have been too afraid of what we would come home to.

But now, yes I am mom and dad, and sometimes, often times, that is a heavy load to carry.

But there are also times, maybe I need to let there be more of these times, that it's a great blessing to be the parent who gets to enjoy my kids as well. 

In Defense of Pokemon Go

No, I don't play Pokemon Go. But I'm really enjoying the game.

Yes, I can tell you where all the local PokeStops are and I can kind of explain what a squirtle is. I also am proud to report that Kid 5 "controls the gym" at Orgill Park.

If none of that sounds familiar to you, then I'm guessing you don't have children or haven't turned on the news these past few weeks.

Pokemon Go is all the rage with the kids these days. And by kids I'm including more than a few adults I know who are also playing the game.

I had a few errands to run this evening, and as has become the norm, those errands took about 20 minutes longer than they should have because I spent extra time driving around so Kid 5 can get to some extra PokeStops. As he was getting back in to my car  another car pulled in behind us with three young 20-something guys. They asked Kid 5 if he just took the gym.

"Yes!", he said. "Are you going to take it back now?"

These young guys told him no, they were going to let him keep the gym because they don't steal from kids.

Kid 5's smile was so big at that moment it made me smile too. And I was so impressed with the other guys that they let a younger kid "control a Pokemon gym" for just a little longer.

Yes, there is competition in Pokemon Go to level up, but there also seems to be a camaraderie among players. I've heard them tell each other where to go to find a rare Pokemon and share tips on the best PokeStops.

But the news doesn't show that stuff. More likely you've seen reports of kids walking into the street and getting hit by cars because they were too busy looking at their phones in search of Pokemon.  Or a few instances where players were robbed while playing Pokemon Go. There's even a video going around that shows a police car being sideswiped by another car. When the driver gets out to survey the damage, his first words to the cops are "that's what I get for playing this dumb ass game."

Sure, all those examples are bad. But kids have been running into the street chasing balls forever. Bad people are going to prey on the innocent no matter what. And distracted drivers are a menace whether it's Pokemon Go, texting or just simply not paying attention.

But, this game has done some really great things too.

Today I saw two different news stories about Pokemon Go. Children's hospitals across the nation are using the game to help children have a somewhat normal social life while confined to the hospital. And a nursing home is helping their elderly residents learn the game as a means of encouraging them to get up and walk around for exercise.

In my own home, I've experienced these near miracles:

• Kid 1 brought his new girlfriend home to meet Kid 5 and they all went together to hunt Pokemon
• Kid 3, who leaves for bootcamp in just a few days, has been spending extra time with Kid 5 willingly helping him find new Pokemon
• Kid 3 has been letting Kid 6 use his phone to play Pokemon Go
• This has all happened with NO FIGHTING amongst the siblings (the biggest miracle of all)

Even my normal errand running on the weekends has taken on a new meaning. I actually enjoy the extra time spent in the car listening to Kid 5 talk Pokemon. Just those few extra minutes and my willingness to take an alternate route home are all it takes for us to spend some time together and make him happy.

Kid 5 is too often the child who I am afraid is being left out. He's also the one that has had the hardest adjustment these past few years. 

So if a simple little game and a few extra minutes is all it takes for some happy, peaceful family time, then yes, I'm a fan of Pokemon Go.

Family Time on a Mountain: Way Better Than Minecraft!

I've always said I'd rather give my kids experiences than things.

To be honest,  they have most of the "things" they've asked for. But when I consider gifts or vacations I try and look at what can we do and not what can we buy?

When my sister and I were kids my parents took us on vacation to a different state each summer. I still remember sitting along Mirror Lake New Hampshire listening to the Loons as they swam on the lake. We toured the Baseball Hall of Fame in upstate New York with my dad. We even camped along the Canadian side of Niagara Falls. But I don't remember a single souvenir or thing that I bought any of those summers.

Being a military family for twenty years meant we moved every few years. But it also gave my kids the opportunity to see new places and experience new adventures. The travel bug seems to have caught each of the kids as well. Both kids 2 and 4 have worked extra hard these past two years to pay their way through non-family trips to Washington DC, Philadelphia, California and Colorado. Kid 3 is campaigning hard to get permission to travel to ComicCon next year (he's closer to having my permission than he knows) and the other kids have their own dreams and plans as well.

Now that I'm a single mom vacations aren't as financially feasible. But this weekend we took our first
official family vacation since before the divorce. Unfortunately, Kid 1 had to stay home and work. So me and the other five kids packed up the car and headed off for a long weekend trip to Pinnacle Mountain Arkansas. We rode horses, hiked, went to the State Fair, and explored a World War II submarine.

There was lots of laughter and few squabbles. I knew my "experiences not things" motto was working when one of the kids momentarily stopped scrambling up the mountain, turned around and said "this is even better than Minecraft!"

It makes this momma's heart happy to see how when the kids are removed from their daily routine they connect and really seem to enjoy being together.  Kids 2 and 4 - the two who normally argue over who is right - paired off on the hike up and down the mountain.  Kid 3, the most quiet of my crew, and kid 5, the most sensitive of the family, also paired off. More than once on the 5 mile hike up, down and around the mountain those two ventured off on their own to sit and take in the view.

Later that evening we all reached the over-tired laughter on the verge of tears point and I had to remind them that we were in a hotel and the people in the next room might not enjoy hearing the hysterics coming from our room.

Although, even if we did get a little too loud, I hope it's a memory the kids will always smile and remember.

We made it to the top!

Quiet Moments To Begin The Day

Kid 5 told me tonight he was going to wake up 20 minutes earlier than usual for school tomorrow morning. 

Why do you want to do that I asked?

So we can get back to bed sooner!

My 11-year-old didn't mean he was already looking forward to going to bed tomorrow night. No, he meant he was looking forward to our new morning ritual, crawling back into bed and snuggling together the last few minutes before it's time to leave for the bus. 

I don't remember exactly when we began this new routine. Surely it was a morning that I was exhausted before the sun even rose and I attempted to crawl into bed while the kids finished getting ready for school.

With kids in each of the elementary, middle and high schools we have staggered times for waking up and for leaving the house in the morning. Kid 4 leaves the house first to catch the bus. As a preteen girl she's usually busy flat ironing her already straight hair up until it's time to leave for school. As she grabs her assorted Vera Bradley gear ( I swear between the purse, backpack and lunch box she looks like Vera Bradley threw up on her ) she walks back to my room for one last goodbye. 

Kids 2 & 3 are next. They just sit on the couch in silence until Kid 2 says come on and they go get in his car to drive to the high school. Even though they are teen boys they still look over their shoulder and say goodbye and love you while walking out the door. 

Kids 5 & 6 are the last to leave yet lately are the first to be finished getting ready for school. Once I finish kid 6's hair (bun or french braid today?) she runs off to brush her teeth and debate with her brother who gets to lay next to mommy.

After one early morning of arguing over who got to lay next to me I nipped that in the bud pretty quick and I now lay in the middle of the bed. The two remaining kids climb in next to me and pull up the covers. 

Sometimes we talk and sometimes we lay there and doze. I've learned to set my iPhone alarm just in case we do fall back asleep. Missing the bus would certainly ruin the calm of the morning.

I've written before about my difficulties with Kid 5 since the divorce, so this morning ritual is even more special to me knowing he's willing to get up even earlier to have quiet time with me. An argument the night before is always forgiven and forgotten the next morning. 

My hope is the peaceful start to the day will carry with each of my kids as they venture away from the sanctuary of home and out into the world. 

Caught napping together a few years ago when Kid 5 was
much smaller and I was much blonder.