I'm A Crappy Mom: Part (I've Lost Track By Now)

Alternative Title -- I Regret Being Such a Bitch To My Mom

Today began like this:

My 16 year old daughter mad at me because I won't let her take MY iPad on her Mexican cruise she is leaving on in an hour. She storms through the house and on her way out, says to her brother, I hope I never come back!

Being the calm rational mom I am I go storming out, fling open the door, and yell "You ungrateful little bitch! I hope you have a good time on your trip." And then I slam the door hard enough that the windows rattle. 

Yep, I went there.

Kid 4 is acting like a perfectly normal, age appropriate 16 year old girl.

And I'm not handling it very well.

Aside from her general ungrateful, bratty, roll-her-eyes at me attitude, she's a good kid. Straight A's in all honors classes, dances 5 nights/week, teaches dance 2 nights/week, not boy crazy, responsible and basically reliable kid. 

Her teachers love her. Other parents love her.

I actually enjoy spending time with her. 

Except when I want to just run after her, grab her long blonde pony tail and yank her onto the ground and pummel some sense in to her. 

I do understand that at 16 years old, she is genetically designed to be a horrible human being.  I do understand that at 48 years old I should have enough maturity, wisdom and parenting skills not to buy into her 16 year old behavior.

But apparently I don't.

It's almost like she turns me into a 16 year old bratty person too. 

I'm mean really. She is leaving for a five-day cruise to Mexico over Fall Break with her friends. I will be home working. Her brothers and sister will be home bored all week because they don't get to go anywhere and I'll be at work.  

Would "gee, thanks Mom" really kill her once in awhile?

She makes me feel like nothing I do, nothing I can give her, is ever good enough. She has brought me to tears more than a couple times. 

I know we will eventually get through this. And one day she will look back and regret acting this way towards me. And one day I'll see this is nothing more than typical strife between teen daughters and their mothers. 

But until that day, all I can do is try and remind myself that she is very much her mother's daughter.

When Multitasking Doesn't Work

As a freelance writer, I have to fit in my writing any time and any where I can. Late at night is the most common writing time. With a close second being while my girls are dancing.

Most of the time that works out pretty well.

Except for when it doesn't.

I am currently sitting in the back of a conference room as about 75 teenagers participate in a tap dance workshop with some well-known tap teacher I've never heard of but the girls were quite excited about. I am currently supposed to be working on current science-backed research to promote yoga as an optimal alternative health practice for low back pain.

Yeah, this isn't working too well.

The music is loud

The tap is loud.

The girls are thirsty.

And hungry.

And tired.

This is day five of their National Dance Competition and these girls are wore out. These workshops are supposed to be their reward for a week of intense dance competition. Except my girls, and our dance school, have done so well we have been invited back to dance again tomorrow in the big showcase where all the first place winners compete against each other.

It's actually quite an honor for our little dance school.

But, we are tired.

Ironically, I volunteered for parent duty for this, as well as the next two workshops spanning over six hours. My theory was I would look like the good mom volunteering to sit with the girls for six straight hours of booming music while at the same time have six hours to do nothing but write.

I am reading current scientific research, but in my head I hear step ball change, step ball change,  shuffle shuffle out. Good now do it faster!

And of course when I hear, now put it together go!, I have to look up and watch as they dance to the choreography they just learned a minute ago.

I'm not sure how much scientific writing I'll get accomplished today. I may need to let the girls know I'll be just outside under a shady tree somewhere if they need me.

A Very Loud Very Crowded Week

YOU ALL ARE HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, TERRIBLE CHILDREN!

I've said that more than once this week. Kid 2 is home on leave from his new Navy duty station so all six kids are together for the first time since Christmas.

It's been a week of picking on each other, instigating trouble, inappropriate jokes, extremely loud video game playing, moving back and forth between bedrooms, all ganging up on me for fun and other obnoxious behavior.

I absolutely love it and have been smiling all week.

It's really interesting to watch them interact with each other knowing their time is limited. To see how although they are all mostly young adults now, they still revert to child-like sibling rivalry. They really are growing up yet they are strongly bonded together.

My hope is that someday they will all be grown and independent, yet still gather together at my house to make a mess and make me crazy.

That will be my definition of a parenting success.

#NightofConversation with Dr. Oz

I am honored and crazy excited to have my latest piece posted to Dr. Oz The Good Life Magazine.

Even more flattering, it is being posted in conjunction with Dr. Oz's #NightofConversation. From his website:

In partnership with SAMHSA, NIDA, and the National Council on Behavioral Health, Dr. Oz is asking families across American to hold a #NightofConversation on Thursday, November 17, 2015. At that evening's dinner, he is asking parents to speak with their children about addiction. A discussion guide is available here. Dr. Oz is also asking everyone to post a picture of an empty dinner plate on social media on the 17th as a symbol that this special meal is not about the food, but instead about the conversation.​

I hate that I have become knowledgeable enough about addiction to be able to write about it. But, if any good can come of the pain my family has been through due to addictive behaviors, I hope that it can open up a conversation about the need for better mental health care and more accessible treatment options.

Please click the link, read, share with your friends, and talk to your kids.

My Family Has Learned Things About Addiction We Never Wanted To Know

I'm Considering An Exorcism For My Teen Daughter

Tonight my daughter is at her first high school football jamboree. Although I've already been through high school with the three older boys, I'm having some difficulty with Kid 4, the first girl, entering high school.

After just one week I’ve come to the conclusion I only have two choices in how to deal with this.

Option 1: Remind her, ever so lovingly, that I offer a safe place for her to channel her strong-willed nature. However, she has been raised by a strong-willed mother, who at one time tortured her own mother, so no amount of eye rolling or “Oh My Gawd” will be enough to break me. I am stronger than she is.

I think I’m stronger than she is.

Option 2: Dig deep down in to my Catholic roots and perform an exorcism. Because the only explanation for this new behavior spewing from my daughter is she is possessed.

My daughter has always been bossy. Although we prefer to call it, ’strong leadership abilities combined with a lack of maturity to know when to just shut the ef up!'

Each of my older boys survived their teen years. Even more impressive I survived my boys teen years. But this. This is different.

All summer she was my blonde-haired beauty who joined in family conversations. OK maybe she didn’t actually always join in the family fun, but she at least acknowledged we were her family.

But then, a couple days in to her freshman year, she changed. I saw it in her eyes first. She looked at us like we were pond scum.

Then her posture changed. I reached out to hug her and she recoiled like I had leprosy.

Finally, her voice. My years of teaching the kids that it’s not what you say it’s how you say it seemed to have been forgotten. Or, maybe she did mean to say it in the most snotty, condescending way possible.

Yeah, she definitely meant it that way.

Last night her brothers asked me what her problem was. I tried to explain that she’s a teenage girl and teen girls are going through many hormonal changes that can turn them into horrible creatures for a few years.

Her 12-year-old brother summed it up best by saying she’s becoming a mean girl.

It all became clear. I remembered that scene from Mean Girls when Ms. Norbury asks the group to raise their hand if they’ve ever been personally victimized by Regina George.

I slowly raised my hand.

No, no, no. Little girl you will not Regina George me! You will not make your older brothers question the sanity of the entire female gender. You will not prove my own mother true when she said to me, “you’ll understand one day when you have a daughter.”

You can let yourself believe that you know it all, you can believe I am the most horrid mother on the face of the earth, but I have 46 years of stubbornness and leadership ability under my belt.

At least one of us will survive your teen years.

But if it starts to look a little iffy, I have no problem googling “exorcisms for teen girls.”

Don't anyone tell her I posted this picture. But it's
very typical Kid 4 - snap chatting her displeasure at
her mom for the world to see.