Friday, August 14, 2015

I'm Considering An Exorcism For My Teen Daughter

Tonight my daughter is at her first high school football jamboree. Although I've already been through high school with the three older boys, I'm having some difficulty with Kid 4, the first girl, entering high school.

After just one week I’ve come to the conclusion I only have two choices in how to deal with this.

Option 1: Remind her, ever so lovingly, that I offer a safe place for her to channel her strong-willed nature. However, she has been raised by a strong-willed mother, who at one time tortured her own mother, so no amount of eye rolling or “Oh My Gawd” will be enough to break me. I am stronger than she is.

I think I’m stronger than she is.

Option 2: Dig deep down in to my Catholic roots and perform an exorcism. Because the only explanation for this new behavior spewing from my daughter is she is possessed.

My daughter has always been bossy. Although we prefer to call it, ’strong leadership abilities combined with a lack of maturity to know when to just shut the ef up!'

Each of my older boys survived their teen years. Even more impressive I survived my boys teen years. But this. This is different.

All summer she was my blonde-haired beauty who joined in family conversations. OK maybe she didn’t actually always join in the family fun, but she at least acknowledged we were her family.

But then, a couple days in to her freshman year, she changed. I saw it in her eyes first. She looked at us like we were pond scum.

Then her posture changed. I reached out to hug her and she recoiled like I had leprosy.

Finally, her voice. My years of teaching the kids that it’s not what you say it’s how you say it seemed to have been forgotten. Or, maybe she did mean to say it in the most snotty, condescending way possible.

Yeah, she definitely meant it that way.

Last night her brothers asked me what her problem was. I tried to explain that she’s a teenage girl and teen girls are going through many hormonal changes that can turn them into horrible creatures for a few years.

Her 12-year-old brother summed it up best by saying she’s becoming a mean girl.

It all became clear. I remembered that scene from Mean Girls when Ms. Norbury asks the group to raise their hand if they’ve ever been personally victimized by Regina George.

I slowly raised my hand.

No, no, no. Little girl you will not Regina George me! You will not make your older brothers question the sanity of the entire female gender. You will not prove my own mother true when she said to me, “you’ll understand one day when you have a daughter.”

You can let yourself believe that you know it all, you can believe I am the most horrid mother on the face of the earth, but I have 46 years of stubbornness and leadership ability under my belt.

At least one of us will survive your teen years.

But if it starts to look a little iffy, I have no problem googling “exorcisms for teen girls.”

Don't anyone tell her I posted this picture. But it's
very typical Kid 4 - snap chatting her displeasure at
her mom for the world to see.

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