It was time. I needed an attitude adjustment. And I needed it to be brutally honest.
The most honest, effective thing I needed to tell myself was:
Yeah Jennifer, snap the F* out of it!
I began #AugustMoon15 whining about what if when I get a "real job" I don't have time to write anymore? What if I get a "real job" and hate it so much that I lose my desire or energy to write? Being a "real" writer is all I've ever wanted to do and if I go back to work (by necessity because mortgage companies don't really care so much about artistic endeavors), I won't be able to call myself a writer anymore.
And I know from past experience that when I am working a full time soul crushing job I am not a happy person.
But then, as usual, my yoga and writing friends reminded me of a few simple truths:
1 - If you write you are a writer.
2 - If I insist on defining being a writer as being published well then yeah I've got that covered too.
3 - I've always written and will always write even if I am working full time outside of the writing field.
4 - Yes, if I wasn't raising six kids by myself I probably could go live in a beach cottage somewhere and spend my days living a bohemian artistic existence without worry of bill collectors.
5 - But, I am responsible for six other people so quit looking at 'what if' and start focusing on 'what is'.
6 - When I was working full time I somehow managed to still be there for my kids when they needed me.
The real kicker in all this is I have been out of work since March and no one has even offered me a job. And, yes, I have been giving it an honest legitimate effort at finding a full time work.
I'm so convinced I'm going to hate this unknown future job and I don't even have the job yet!
So snap out of it and stop projecting negativity into the unknown!