Monday, January 15, 2024

Dear Matthew

 


Dear Matthew


I had a dream that this is all a mistake and you’re still alive. And in the dream you are really, really mad at us for planning a funeral. As much as I want it to be, I know this isn’t a bad dream. But I do hope you are happy with how we’ve chosen to celebrate you today and all the people that are here for you.


That night you called me, you made me promise that I wouldn’t be mad at you and made me promise that I wouldn’t blame myself. I promise I am not mad at you.


I know how long you had fought and how tired you were. I know you wanted nothing more than to be healthy and happy.  I never gave up hope for that day to come, but I understand that you had. And I hope you are finally at peace. 


As for the promise not to blame myself, well I’m going to need you to give me some time on that one. But I’ll keep my promise to you and I’ll get there. 


Looking through all the old pictures has brought back so many memories. Like when Maggie was born and you decided it was your job to rock her to sleep every night. You didn’t want to fly home that summer to spend time with Mimi and Grandy because you didn’t know who would be home to rocker Maggie and I had to convince you that I was capable of handling it. 


I also remembered the time in New Orleans when we lived in base housing and the common area was right behind us where all the neighborhood kids gathered after dinner to play games. Something had happened to John and we heard him cry out. You ran out of the house faster than I did to get to him. You were ready to either help him or go after whoever had hurt him. 


It’s always been Jennifer and the six kids. I’m not sure what to do now that it’s Jennifer and five. 


As the oldest of the six kids, most of our pictures are of you with at least a couple of your siblings. You took your job as a big brother seriously and as everyone got older you always told me how proud you were of each of them. 


These are the kinds of memories that make me smile when I think of you. When anyone asks me to tell them about you, l will tell them how much you loved baseball and music and reading. 


We have pictures of you in a lot of different baseball uniforms over the years. And a lot of memories of you hitting the ball far into the outfield. One year we got to go see the Cubs vs the Pirates at Wrigley Field. I think that trip was better than Disney World to you. It was so cold that day and I remember the look of disappointment on your face when I said we had to leave early. I’d give anything to go back and finish watching the game with you now no matter how cold it was. 


And you didn’t just love music, you loved the poetry within the lyrics. Sometimes when things weren’t good or I hadn’t heard from you in awhile, you’d just text me the link to a song. I’d listen and know what you were trying to tell me. 


Your books meant everything to you.  We mailed boxes of them to you when you moved away and we still have a couple boxes in the attic.  You were so smart and wanted to be a writer yourself one day. I know from the journals you shared with me that you already were an amazing writer. 


These are the kinds of memories we will share when we talk about you. And we will always tell the funniest story of the time you came home and acted very suspicious going straight upstairs for two days in a row. Finally you admitted that you found a kitten in a ditch, snuck it into the house and that kitten was now lost in the walls of the  attic. Well after another week and a borrowed racoon trap, we finally found the lost kitten in the attic.  I told you we couldn’t keep it and it had to go. And as I walked away I overheard you say, “but I think I can make it love me”.  It broke my heart to hear you say that. The cat is now older and fatter and she is very well taken care of for you at home. 


I wish you would have believed you never had to make anyone love you. You were loved so much more than you realized. I hope you can see us here today and everyone who has come out to share how much they loved you. 


Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Myth vs. Fact: How Yoga Helps Detox Your Body



The body’s detoxification systems are designed to run without any external forces. A regular yoga practice, including vigorous asana and pranayama, as part of an overall wellness plan, can help the natural detox system run more efficiently

Other ways to help your body run at a prime level include:

Limit your intake of high-fat foods and alcohol to maintain a healthy liver.

Drink plenty of water to help the digestive tract flow smoothly and to eliminate waste.

Replace prepackaged food with whole food.

Limit or avoid chemicals in self-care products such as lotion and makeup.

Participate in a regular exercise routine.




Sunday, June 3, 2018

Garden Time

I had decided this year I was not going to do my front gardens.

It's too time consuming. It's too hot. I have to water every night because of this God-awful Memphis heat. It's too expensive buying mulch and flowers. I have too much else to do. I hate the weeding part of it all.

But each day as I drove into my driveway and walked up the steps to the house it just looked awful. The gardens were overgrown with weeds. There was grass growing between the sidewalk.

It looked pitiful.

So about 11pm last night I decided today was the day and I was going to make a garden again this year.

I started about 9am when it was only about 85 degrees outside. I took my first break at 11:30 when it hit 95. I kept working outside all day between distractions and other obligations.

I was hot. I was dirty. I was bug bitten. I had a headache from forgetting to eat.

But about 6:30pm I was finally finished.  And I was happy.

There are so many projects inside the house that need completed (big ones like needing to drywall the ceiling from the heater leak this winter) that depress me when I look at them, that I wanted to at least smile when I first came home after a long day at work.

Even the kids said the front looks so much nicer now.

Next up, make the back yard look nice again.

And fix the hole in the ceiling from the heater leak :(


Thursday, May 31, 2018

A Note From An Old Friend

I've been silent for months.

For all the usual reasons; work, time, energy, lack of creativity, Netflix.

And then I got a very unexpected card in the mail and I've been buzzing ever since.

My old friend Kat McNally of dilettante & druid sent me the most lovely card all the way from Australia. It even had one those neat overseas postages on it. And Kat is so cool that she has her own seal for her cards that my kids were fascinated by.

The card was random and completely unexpected.

And an absolute lovely end to my day. Kat remembered me! She had been thinking of me! All the way from Australia!

But, Kat also send me some magical fairy dust. I've been buzzing ever since wanting to write again. My brain won't shut up this week about getting back to writing book #2. I was even up at 5am today on my yoga mat!

I'm not sure what magic Kat has in Australia, but I'm forever grateful that she has shared it with me.



Sunday, April 29, 2018

Yoga for Addiction: 7 Ways Yoga Can Support Your Treatment Program






7 Ways Yoga Can Complement a 12-Step Strategy

Yoga makes a natural companion to 12-step programs in a variety of other ways as well:

  1. Teaching pranayama, or controlled breathing, to gain control of thoughts and emotions
  2. Emphasizing the spiritual connection through meditation and prayer
  3. Gaining a sense of self-discipline to avoid impulsive or negative actions
  4. Releasing negative energy through movement with the asanas
  5. Developing a sense of accomplishment leading to increased self-esteem and decreased feelings of inadequacy
  6. Creating a stronger, healthier body leading to a stronger, healthier mind
  7. Developing a connection to other like-minded yogis in recovery


Saturday, December 30, 2017

A Look Back 2017

In 2013 I wrote my own version of a bucket list. I've mostly forgotten about it, but every now and then I remember to take a look at the list and see where I'm at. As in years past, I'm pleasantly surprised to see that I can cross off a few more items now!


  1. Travel more - Our family vacations these past couple years have been to military graduations. Early 2016 we toured Chicago and went to a Cubs game to see Kid 2 graduate Navy boot camp. Later that same year we spent time up in the Ozark Mountains area of Missouri during Kid 3's Army boot camp graduation. This summer we spent a fabulous weekend in Charleston, SC playing in the ocean, riding jet skis and touring historic downtown after Kid 2's graduation from Naval Nuclear Engineering School.                                                                                                          The past couple summers we have also travelled to Iowa for my girls national dance competition. (Grand National Champions 2017 thank you very much!)                                                                                                  This past August the kids and I drove up to Kentucky to see the total solar eclipse. It was simply amazing!
  2. Dance more 
  3. Ride in a hot air balloon - I had forgotten this was on my list. Every year our little town hosts a Goat Days Festival (read about the best yoga class ever here). This year the festival had hot air balloon rides and since I was teaching Goat Yoga (the best yoga class ever!), my and the kids got passes for a free ride. We only went up about 50 feet in the air but it was still pretty exciting. 
  4. Finally find a sun dress that doesn't make my butt look huge -2017 is the year I learned to dress for my body shape without hating my body shape. (Finally right?) A job promotion at work took me out of sneakers and yoga pants and in to professional work attire. Fortunately I took the advice of a friend and walked into a store out of my price range to shop for a new look. The sales woman asked if I needed help and I told her not only do I need help is she ready for all  the help I need?! I stayed in the fitting room while she brought me outfits to try on, taking all the stress away from me. She taught me more about how to shop for clothes in that one afternoon than I think I've ever learned.
  5. Skydive
  6. See the Grand Canyon
  7. Not wait for special occasions to dress up - Although I sometimes miss the ease of wearing black yoga pants and sneakers every day, most days I enjoy dressing nice to go to work. I even went to our local Merle Norman and let the shop owner paint me up in adult make up. Every morning I carefully put on my make up with the tricks she taught me. 
  8. Swim with dolphins
  9. Go on a cruise
  10. Whale watching - written about January 1, 2015
  11. Take an aerobics class in Los Angeles with Richard Simmons at his Slimmons Gym
  12. Ride a cable car in San Francisco
  13. Visit all 50 states - Iowa, Kentucky and South Carolina 
  14. Have more fresh flowers in my house 
  15. Take a surfing lesson
  16. Take ballroom dance lessons - written about April 17, 2013
  17. Be more spontaneous 
  18. Publish my book -  Published and available for sale here! 
  19. Attend Summer Solstice in Times Square - written about January 1, 2015
  20. Finish my 500 hour RYT
  21. Get back to a regular yoga practice again- I'm always planning on getting back to a regular practice. Someday
  22. Get back to a semi-regular meditation practice again 
  23. Stress less about finances
  24. Make time to read more 
  25. Redecorate my kitchen - written about January 1, 2015
  26. Take more pictures 
  27. Walk more - I walked/ran the St Jude Half Marathon! For real! 
  28. Get a Labradoodle dog - technically I don't own a Ladradoodle. However, I get to dog sit a Labradoodle a few times a year for some friends. 
  29. Be able to afford a house cleaner
  30. Watch my kids grow up to be healthy, productive adults - Kid 1 is living on his own with some good, sober roommates. Kid 2 is a Naval Nuclear Engineer. Kid 3 is in the Army National Guard and working a full time job with great growth potential. That's 3 productive adults so far! I'm 50% to my goal of 6 healthy and able young adults. 
  31. Stay healthy into my old age
  32. Walk the beach more - After driving 10 hours to Charleston, SC the first thing we did is drive 30 minutes further to get my feet in the sand and run through the waves.
  33. Take more chances
  34. Attend more live theater 
  35. Find a way to combine what I love to do with a way to support myself financially - although I'm not financially stable like I want to be, I can say I am making a living doing what I love to do
  36. Laugh more 
  37. See my book for sale on Amazon - Creating A Joyful Life: The Lessons I Learned From Yoga and My Mom
  38. Be debt free
  39. Care a little less what people think
  40. Paint a baseball field onto my backyard - I don't know why I haven't crossed this off the list before. But I've had a baseball field mowed into my backyard for a couple summers now. 
  41. Take the kids to Disney World
  42. Find balance 
  43. Be happy- I was asked recently if I'm happy. Of course I have times of worry and still a lot of financial stress and fear, but overall, yes I am happy. 

The year the Cubs won the World Series

Folly Beach, SC

Hot air balloons rides at night

Iowa

Not really our own Labradoodle with
definitely our own rescue pup

Grand National Champions

Total solar eclipse, Kentucky

Folly Beach, SC

Monday, December 11, 2017

High Blood Pressure: How Yoga Can Help Stabilize Blood Pressure Naturally

The most recent update from the Centers for Disease Control says 70 million Americans, about 29% of the population, have diagnosed high blood pressure, known medically as hypertension. Hypertension is diagnosed when the top number, systolic, of a blood pressure reading is higher than 140 and the lower number, diastolic, higher than 90.

Hypertension increases the risk of heart attack and stroke, two of the top three causes of death in the United States.

Although systolic blood pressure tends to rise naturally as people age due to increasing stiffness of large arteries and long-term build-up of plaque, there are ways to naturally combat elevated blood pressure, including yoga.



Click here to read the rest of High Blood Pressure: How Yoga Can Help 

Stabilize Blood Pressure Naturally