A Note From An Old Friend

I've been silent for months.

For all the usual reasons; work, time, energy, lack of creativity, Netflix.

And then I got a very unexpected card in the mail and I've been buzzing ever since.

My old friend Kat McNally of dilettante & druid sent me the most lovely card all the way from Australia. It even had one those neat overseas postages on it. And Kat is so cool that she has her own seal for her cards that my kids were fascinated by.

The card was random and completely unexpected.

And an absolute lovely end to my day. Kat remembered me! She had been thinking of me! All the way from Australia!

But, Kat also send me some magical fairy dust. I've been buzzing ever since wanting to write again. My brain won't shut up this week about getting back to writing book #2. I was even up at 5am today on my yoga mat!

I'm not sure what magic Kat has in Australia, but I'm forever grateful that she has shared it with me.

Rule #1 Of Writing

July 5 Question: What is one valuable lesson you've learned since you started writing?

The writing doesn't actually happen unless you sit down and write.

Just sit your ass down in the chair, the bed, a comfy couch - it doesn't even matter where. You just have to sit down and starting putting words to paper / blank screen.

You can think about writing. You can plan to write. You can make time to write.

But you have to actually do the writing.

I spend A LOT of time thinking about writing. I normally have posts written in my head while exercising, driving or even mowing the grass.

Yet lately I haven't taken the next step to actually write them down.

In fact, I've done more writing about not writing these past few months than I've actually done any real writing.

A few years ago I wrote an Elephant Journal post titled Being A Writer Is Easy. Re-reading it has inspired me to once again be a more disciplined writer.

This post is a part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group, a monthly meeting of writers who over think, under write and just want people to like them.

Quit Writing? Never

June’s IWSG Day Question: Did you ever say “I quit”? If so, what happened to make you come back to writing?

I've taken many breaks in my writing.

Short breaks. Long breaks. Intentional breaks. Life got in the way breaks. And lots of just plain lazy breaks.

But I really don't recall ever thinking I quit.

Have I ever been discouraged in my writing? Sure. Do I go through periods of wild creativity followed by absolute nothingness. Yep.

But quit writing? How would I even do that?

Writing is just a part of who I am. Even if no one else reads it, I need to get the words out. This blog has saved me more than once.

I've said it many times before -- writing is how I get the crazy out.

I will always write in some way. I will never quit writing.

This post is a part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group, a monthly meeting of writers who over think, under write and just want people to like them.

I Just Remembered What I Forgot

Or...

I Finally Realized Why I Haven't Been Writing Lately

And it's not laziness!

Well, not just laziness.

I am maxed out on personal training clients at work right now and my empath tendencies are in overdrive. I am worn out from putting all my energy into helping other people that I don't have enough left over energy for myself.

I love my personal training clients and all my class members. I truly do. But I also genuinely care about them. So when they are hurting, I am hurting. When they are struggling, I am struggling to help them. My job, both when training, teaching and as a wellness coordinator is a sort of cheerleader. I need to smile and encourage everyone all day long.

All. Day. Long.

Factor in I often work split shifts, usually 8-2 and then again 4-8, and they make for long days.

So I'm more than a little tired by the time I get home at night.

Well duh. I go through this periodically.

Work a lot - write hardly at all.

Work a little - write like crazy.

It's a crappy balancing act with no balance at all.

It's good that I'm working a lot right now. I need to keep that up. But I also need to balance it out with some self care and some me time. Which, of course, includes writing. I know if I look back through this blog I have written many times about that delicate balancing act.

And, after all this time, I still haven't figured it out.

Yet.

This post is a part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group, a monthly meeting of writers who over think, under write and just want people to like them.

Hello? Is Anybody Still Reading? Am I Still Writing?

It's been just over a year since my first book was published. At first everything was so exciting!

Books were selling better than I had ever hoped for, I was being interviewed on television and having professional head shots made by a professional photographer ( no more selfies, this was the big time baby!)

Then, as was to be expected, the hype died down a bit. About once a month I was asked to do an interview or podcast. My monthly sales were erratic. Some months I'd sell a shockingly high number of books, other months I'd squeak by with one or two sales.

Now, to be sure I'm not being all negative, I have surpassed every sales goal I set for myself. I have reached audiences I never expected and had my essays published in big-time places like YAHOO! and Dr. Oz.

And, again to spotlight the positive, the money earned from book sales this past year is paying for a mini vacation for me and the kids this week. That's a very good positive!

It's been a good writing year!

But... it's been a slow past few months.

It started with taking on a temporary yet crappy overnight job which left me exhausted and in a perpetual bad mood. Finally I was offered more hours at my day job that I love and even though I gave up the crappy night job, my writing didn't pick up as much as I'd hoped.

A few interview possibilities I had hoped for fell through and a few pitches to other outlets were rejected.

So, basically, crickets.

I know this is normal. It is normal, right?

And I know the solution is to sit my butt down and get back to writing regularly. That is the solution, right?

And... I just looked and it's been a month since my last post.

OK, I need to shoo these crickets away and get busy again!

Procrastination As A Writing Method

Early March 2016: I have the honor of being asked to contribute to another author's book. This author is also host of a popular radio show, so it's kind of a big deal.  She asks me to write anywhere from 2,000 - 6,000 words and gives me the general idea of her theme. The deadline is only two weeks away but I tell her I will do my best.

I don't come anywhere near to trying my best.

Late March 2016: I completely miss the deadline. I have some guilt about this but use the excuse I wasn't completely clear on what specifically she wanted me to write.

Mid April 2016: The author, who again has a much bigger audience than I do so it really would benefit me to have my writing linked to hers, gets in touch with me again to say she got her editors to extend the deadline for me. She really wants my work included. The new deadline is May 26.

I promise her I will get it done.

And I do nothing.

I jot down some notes.

I decide 2,000 - 6,000 words is too vague, too much, too general.

May 8, 2016: My Mother's Day present to myself is to sneak off to Starbucks for the afternoon with nothing but my laptop, a book and my new Starbucks gift card.
My muse finally joins me and I write and write and write! This feels great! I'm not a bad writer! I can do this!

May 13 - 22, 2016: I travel to Chicago for Kid 2's boot camp graduation, return home for Kid 3's high school graduation, host a graduation party, attend Kid 4 and 6's dance recital. Writing deadline looms over me, but I am legitimately busy.

Monday May 23, 2016: I'll finish writing it tomorrow.

Tuesday May 24, 2016: I explain to the kids I need writing time and will be closing my bedroom door to get some work done. For the next few hours I: scan Facebook, watch Grey's Anatomy on Netflix, scroll through pictures on my phone, check emails, scan Facebook again, check my bank balance. Finally sit down and write about 11pm. I complete the piece but decide to wait until morning for one last review before submitting it.

Wednesday May 25, 2016: Awaken 30 minutes earlier than I normally do to read what I wrote the night before, decide I am pleased with it, spell check it, and send it off.

With a full 24 hours before the deadline!

The procrastination method worked again!

But, why oh why can't I be one of those serious writers who has a daily quiet writing time, a dedicated writing office and never, ever stresses over a deadline?

Writing The Crazy Out

I've been very honest about the reason I write is to get the crazy out of my head. In fact there's a section of my book titled Get The Crazy Out (Creating A Joyful Life: The Lessons I Learned From Yoga and My Mom).  I'm a big believer in getting the demons out of your head and onto the paper.

But sometimes, the demons don't want to go away. Sometimes they are hunkered down for the long haul and no amount of writing, exercise or ice cream will make them go away.

And then I feel stuck. Depression sets in. I lose all interest in writing. I can barely bring myself to read the posts from all the other amazing bloggers I follow who don't ever seem to get down and stuck.

They don't ever get writer's block. Maybe they don't even have demons? Maybe their life is filled with unicorns and writer's retreats?

Not me. My life seems to be one crisis after another. To the point that I even don't want to talk to friends anymore for fear of being "that girl who only ever has bad news". I pull away from friends and loved ones so my negativity doesn't bring them down too.

Yet the demons in my head are still screaming. I've managed to jot down a few notes this past week of the randomness in my mind. Maybe eventually they will turn into amazing pieces of writing. Or maybe I'll forget about them until they start shouting again.

Writing is an isolating activity. Living in turmoil is isolating. I am constantly surrounded by people all screaming at me to meet their needs, yet I feel so alone. And I feel like I'm failing everyone, including myself.

Yet my book is called Creating A Joyful Life. I don't feel very joyful right now. If I admit that does it mean I'm a hypocrite?

Add hypocrisy to the list of my insecurities today.