Yoga for Addiction: 7 Ways Yoga Can Support Your Treatment Program

7 Ways Yoga Can Complement a 12-Step Strategy

Yoga makes a natural companion to 12-step programs in a variety of other ways as well:

1. Teaching pranayama, or controlled breathing, to gain control of thoughts and emotions
2. Emphasizing the spiritual connection through meditation and prayer
3. Gaining a sense of self-discipline to avoid impulsive or negative actions
4. Releasing negative energy through movement with the asanas
5. Developing a sense of accomplishment leading to increased self-esteem and decreased feelings of inadequacy
6. Creating a stronger, healthier body leading to a stronger, healthier mind
7. Developing a connection to other like-minded yogis in recovery

Click here to read Yoga For Addiction: 7 Ways Yoga Can Support Your Treatment Program

High Blood Pressure: How Yoga Can Help Stabilize Blood Pressure Naturally

The most recent update from the Centers for Disease Control says 70 million Americans, about 29% of the population, have diagnosed high blood pressure, known medically as hypertension. Hypertension is diagnosed when the top number, systolic, of a blood pressure reading is higher than 140 and the lower number, diastolic, higher than 90.

Hypertension increases the risk of heart attack and stroke, two of the top three causes of death in the United States.

Although systolic blood pressure tends to rise naturally as people age due to increasing stiffness of large arteries and long-term build-up of plaque, there are ways to naturally combat elevated blood pressure, including yoga.

Click here to read the rest of High Blood Pressure: How Yoga Can Help 

Stabilize Blood Pressure Naturally

Practice More Yoga, More Often, For A Healthier Happier Life

What yogis have long believed to be true, that yoga is a fountain of youth, science has recently begun to prove.

• Practicing more physical poses related to improved sleep, diet, and a lower BMI.
• Practicing more breath work and meditation led to increased mindfulness and subjective well-being.
• A frequent practice of gentle restorative poses was associated with higher fruit and vegetable consumption, higher rates of vegetarianism and lower alcohol consumption.

Click here to read the rest of 

Practice More Yoga, More Often, For A Healthier Happier Life

Best Yoga Class EVER

Today I taught a yoga class to 63 people. 63!

And six baby goats.

Yep, I have officially joined the latest yoga craze and today taught my first goat yoga class.

Best. Yoga. Class. Ever.

Our local parks & rec department hosts the Goat Days Festival every year. I have no idea why my small town celebrates Goat Days, except I guess because there are a lot of goats around here. They usually call me to teach at local events, but this was a different call. And one that I didn't hesitate to say yes to!

I really wasn't sure what to expect though. I figured we would have a decent turn out. Probably my regular yoga people and a few people there for the goats.

I never expected 63!

Before class started I introduced myself, asked who had any yoga experience and asked about any health conditions I needed to be aware of. All the usual questions at the beginning of a yoga class.

It was probably 60% people who had some yoga experience and 40% who were just there to try it out.

But definitely 100% of the people were really there for the goats.

We began the yoga just as the baby goats were led into the pen. And I immediately lost everyones

attention. I told them no worries, I know you are really here for the goats so just have fun.

And we had so much fun!

The goats just wandered around while we practiced. People would stop to pet the goats or take goat selfies.

The farmers that brought the baby goats did a great job making sure the goats made their way throughout the big crowd by placing small  amounts of goat food on peoples yoga mats.

The biggest question I've gotten all day since goat yoga is "did the goat pee or poop on anyone"?

At the very end of class, one goat did pee on a woman's mat. But she had a good sense of humor about it and decided she will just buy herself a new yoga mat.

I saw a couple goats dropping goat pellets as they walked, but fortunately goat poop isn't like cow poop. It's smaller and doesn't stink!

The next question is when am I going to teach goat yoga again?

As soon as possible! The farm owners told me they have two more goats back at the farm who will be giving birth in a couple months so hopefully later this fall I will get to play with some baby goats and teach yoga again.

Teaching yoga at special events always reminds me of how much I love teaching and how much I am meant to teach. A friend took this picture below and said I looked so pretty. No, what you are seeing is happiness. I got to do what I love and teach yoga, to a large group of people who might never get to experience yoga and there were cute baby goats to play with.

My happiness cup is overflowing today.

Yoga For Toned Arms: Not Just Push Ups

As both a yoga teacher and a personal trainer, I spend equal time in the quiet of the yoga studio as well as in the noisy gym environment. Avid gym goers often ask me how best to build strength without looking too bulky. Of course, I recommend yoga.

While strength training in the gym requires the use of heavier weight to overload the muscles, yoga uses pure body weight to provide a more balanced and functional approach to strengthening and toning muscles. Yoga also has the advantage of toning both large and small muscle groups in balance with each other. Traditional weight training isolates one muscle group at a time, potentially leading to imbalance and injury.

Click here to read the rest of Yoga For Tones Arms - Not Just Push Ups

6 Tips To Eat & Drink Your Way To A Healthy, Hydrated Body

As I write this, it is 97 degrees outside with a heat index of 109. The National Weather Service has issued excessive heat warnings for the past week with no end in sight. Even by Memphis standards, it’s hot outside.

Like other extreme weather events, excessive heat has caused numerous deaths in the past few years. People who are at greater risk from excessive heat include children, elderly, those already ill, women who are pregnant or breastfeeding, diabetics and athletes who train outside.

Lean body mass contains up to 75 percent water while fat only contains between 10 and 40 percent water. Therefore, those who are overweight are also more prone to dehydration.

Since for most of us it’s neither possible nor desirable to stay inside air-conditioned buildings full time, the best defense against the heat is to stay adequately hydrated.

Water not only maintains a safe body temperature during excessive heat or exercise, but it also carries heat away from the internal organs before serious damage can occur, which can lead to heat stroke and even death.

Click here to read 6 Tips To Eat & Drink Your Way To A Healthy, Hydrated Body

How Yoga Helped Me Remodel My Daughter’s Bedroom

I recently renovated my teenage daughter’s bedroom; new flooring, painted walls, and décor. Let me reiterate this is the bedroom of my daughter, who is a teenager, and dislikes everything I like.

Let’s just say there was potential for stress in this scenario.

Add a bit of teen drama to my general lack of flooring know-how and subsequent lack of confidence, and we were faced with real potential for a meltdown here.

My daughter would most likely have a meltdown as well.

I am happy to report that after four days, three trips to the home improvement store, and no more than a mini meltdown (or two), the room is complete. And we both love it. While taking pictures of the new room, I realized that I have yoga to thank for keeping me sane in these situations.

How does yoga help remodel a bedroom?

Please read the rest of my story on using yoga to redecorate my daughters bedroom on Parent.Co

How Yoga Helped Me Remodel My Daughter’s Bedroom

The Only Prayer We Need Today

I'm still home with this broken foot. Which gives me way too much free time to watch election coverage news today.

Earlier this week I helped out in a call bank for the election. It's not much. But every little bit of effort counts. Or so I told myself.

As I was doing my regular morning meditation / gentle off-the-foot yoga practice today I felt I needed to meditate on the Buddhas Lovingkindness Meditation. As I recited it, I realized this is what the country needs to be meditating on today.

May I be safe

May I be healthy

May I be free

May I live with ease

A Lovingkindness Meditation, also called Metta meditation, is simply a practice of directing well wishes toward other people.

Doesn't that sound like a nice break from the nasty political talk these past few months? And a far better use of our time than fighting amongst our neighbors?

To practice Lovingkindness Meditation, find a comfortable seated position. Don't worry about looking like those pictures of people meditating on mountain tops. You can keep your eyes open and recite this to yourself anywhere. 

Intention is what counts. 

First, repeat the blessing three times for yourself to yourself. See yourself as healthy and well.

Then, repeat the blessing three times for someone who has helped you or brought joy to your life. 

Third, repeat the blessing three times for someone you know that is struggling or in need of healing. See that person as healthy and well.  

Finally, repeat the blessing three times visualizing your community, your country and your world. 

As I repeated the blessing the final time, I saw all the people standing in line waiting to vote. Here in my area people are standing outside in the rain waiting to cast their vote. I didn't say the blessing to encourage them to vote my way or even visualize them voting in a specific way. I just said the blessing to surround everyone today in a sense of peace and wellness. 

Again, it's a small effort. But every little bit of effort counts. 

How To Do Yoga With A Broken Foot

Once you have a regular yoga practice, you won't want anything to get in the way and stop you from the yoga. But, life happens.

I've managed to yoga through all kinds of illnesses and injuries. Usually it's just a matter of slowing down, modifying and letting go of unrealistic expectations.

And, that includes yoga with a broken foot.

It's been 9 long weeks and I am still in this boot cast. I'm allowed to take it off to sleep and shower. About a month ago I thought I was OK enough to take it off and do some gentle yoga during a workshop I was attending.

It didn't go well at first.  To summarize, this is what happens when you stand on your mat in Tadasana and try to balance evenly on both feet:

Oh, sweet baby Jesus, mother **%*, damn that hurts! And all I did was try to spread my toes.

It doesn't sound very yoga-like does it? So you sit back down on your yoga mat to figure something else out.

These past few weeks my yoga practice has been much heavier on meditation rather than asana. And I've really enjoyed it. I'm usually in too much of a rush to meditate (hence the reason I really need more meditation in my life), but this broken foot has slowed me down and forced me onto my meditation cushion.

I have really, really enjoyed it. Sometimes I listen to a guided meditation. Often I practice some Kundalini breathing and mantras. 

As for the asana practice,  is all seated or lying down now. 

• Janu Sirsasana - Head to Knee Forward bend to stretch the hamstrings and SI Joint relief
• Baddha Konasana - Bound angle pose to open the hips
• Ananda Balasana - Happy Baby and other supine hip openers
• Marjaryasana/ Bitilasana - Cat/ Cow for flexion and extension of the spine
• Sucirandhrasana - Thread the Needle to relieve neck and shoulder stress
• Balasana - Child's pose
• Matsyasana - Modified fish pose to open the chest

At first even child's pose was out of the question. The fracture and soft tissue damage is primarily around the second and third metatarsals, so resting back with the tops of my feet down hurt too much. When I was at the yoga workshop I grabbed a yoga block and placed that under the top of my ankle to prop up the broken foot. It was enough support that it didn't cause any pain.

But having just one foot up on a block was throwing my hips out of balance. Well more out of balance than they already were from walking in this damn boot cast for nine weeks!

At home I prop both feet up on my bolster when I'm in child's pose. I can stay here to stretch out my back or flow some modified kneeling vinyasa.

This is the closest picture I could find to
propping the tops of your feet to support
a foot injury.

Hopefully soon I will be out of the cast and back into my normal hurried routine. But, as with most negative things  in life, this broken foot has been a good lesson for me. It has reminded me to slow down and listen to what my body is telling me it needs.

The Kindle Version Has Arrived

Woo Hoo!

The Kindle version of Creating A Joyful Life: The Lessons I Learned From Yoga and My Mom is finally here!

If you are a member of Kindle Unlimited you can read the book for FREE!

(Kindle Unlimited pays authors for the number of pages read in a Kindle Unlimited book. So please, actually read the book - or at least flip the pages -  if you download it for free!)

If you are one of the many readers I am forever grateful to who bought the paperback version, you can download the Kindle version for only $1.99. Why would you want the Kindle version if you already have the paperback version you ask? Well, because the Kindle version is new and improved! A few corrections and updated info have been added.

I don't know if all the fabulous reviews so many of you have posted on the paperback edition will transfer to the Kindle edition as well. But, as always, I am so appreciative of everyone who takes the time to review the book on both Amazon and GoodReads.com .

It's been a year since Creating A Joyful Life: The Lessons I Learned From Yoga and My Mom was released. Having it out on Kindle now is just as exciting!

Maturing In My Yoga Practice

This past weekend I attended a two-day yoga teacher training. It's the first one I've been to in over a year.

Yoga teacher trainings are tiring, long, brain intensive and absolutely delightful. It's one of the very rare times I feel like I truly belong.

Yoga teacher trainings always give me a good reminder of my dharma.

This year though, I attended training with a big clunky boot cast on my foot. Six weeks ago I fractured my foot, sprained my ankle and did some damage to the ligaments in the ankle. Yeah me! I've got a couple more weeks to go in the boot and then physical therapy.

When it was time for the yoga practice part of the day, everyone looked at me and my boot.

Oh, no worries, I'm taking this thing off and doing some yoga!

As a yoga teacher, I'm always telling my students to ground evenly through their feet. Spread the toes. Root down in order to lift up.

Oh, sweet baby Jesus, mother **%*, damn that hurts! And all I did was try to spread my toes.

Now, in years past, I would have been totally willing to amputate the foot myself and keep going. In times past, there was no way I would even consider not keeping up with the class or not finding the full expression of the poses.

But, this time, I accepted down dog was out of the question. I was fine with modifying the poses and in a couple cases, even doing a completely different pose that was accessible to me while the class did something else.

I think I'm actually, finally, maturing in my yoga practice.

After ten years, 500 hours of Yoga Alliance recognized teacher trainings, I can't even count how many hours of teaching, my own hit or miss yoga practice, I do believe I am now practicing yoga.

Yoga as it is meant to be practiced.

Intelligent Dogs And Their Tendency For Self Destruction

I was working with a new personal training client today and instead of push up and lunges, we were working on body awareness and spinal alignment. Finally, I got to work in more of a yoga therapy aspect!

I haven't done any yoga therapy type work in way too long and I forgot how excited I get when I'm helping someone doing something like open up their thoracic spine. Most of my clients don't know and don't care where there thoracic region is! And that's perfectly fine. But when you see a client in chronic pain and after just a few simple moves and some deep breathing they are feeling better than they have in a long time, it's so gratifying that it helps me remember why I even got into this line of work in the first place.

So while I'm excitedly working with said client today, we are also of course chatting about work, life, careers, etc. At one point she turned to me and said, "You're an intelligent dog aren't you."

Umm, OK. I guess I'm an intelligent dog.

I'm not sure how calling me a dog, even an intelligent dog, is a compliment, but you're paying me for this session so I'll listen.

Client: And you know what happens to intelligent dogs right?

Me: Ummmm

Client: They get bored and shred their environment. If you leave an intelligent dog home alone it will shred the living room. If you leave an intelligent dog alone in the car it will get bored and shred the car.

At this point I got a very unintelligent look on my face, jaw hanging open, as I completely understood what she is saying.

Of course I'm bored and frustrated in certain areas right now. I'm working below my capacity. And of course I'm starting to take it out on those around me. I'm shredding my environment out of boredom/ frustration/lack of activity.

This makes perfect sense.

Looking back I can see where I shredded my environment in the past in both my career and my life. I've written many times how I tend to self destruct either by lack of action or by lashing out in inappropriate actions.

I've been acting like an intelligent dog.

I'm still soaking in being told I was an intelligent dog today, and all that implies, that I'm not even really sure what to do with that knowledge yet.

National Book Lovers Day

It's National Book Lovers Day!

Shout out to all of us who truly love books! And the rest of you, well I can't even begin to understand someone who tells me they don't love books.

I am the geeky girl who thinks a wild night out is a couple hours alone in a book store. I love the touch of books. I love to crack open a book and smell the new pages. And the sound the book makes as you open the spine for the first time. Pure bliss.

I've been in love with books longer than any man, any food or anything else in my life.

So when I wrote my own book it was very important to me that it be an actual book. Not just a Kindle version. Not that there is anything wrong with that, in fact a Kindle version should be coming out soon of Creating A Joyful Life: The Lessons I Learned From Yoga and My Mom, but I wanted actual physical copies of my book to be available.

I wanted to see a copy of my book on my bookshelf. I wanted to see a copy of my book sitting on the shelf in a bookstore.

Yes I love my children and they are my greatest joy (obligatory mom comment), but honestly, I felt such joy and pride last year looking at my book in the bookstore. A couple months later I went back to the bookstore to check on my book and ... it was gone!

I was crushed. Devastated. It wasn't on the shelf anymore.

But then it took one of my children (who really do bring me joy and pride as well), to point out that if the book wasn't there that means someone bought it!

Yes! My book was sitting on someone else's bookshelf!

I do most of my writing propped up on my bed. To my left is a three level high bookshelf. It has mostly yoga books and training manuals on it. Straight in front of me is one very long bookshelf that has a blend of fiction and nonfiction books. And to my right, on my nightstand, is the book I am currently reading (Fast Girl: A Life Spent Running From Madness by Suzy Favor Hamilton), the book I just finished (From Darkness To Light by Lindsey Lewis) and two other books in line to begin reading.

In recent years I've drifted away from books and more to my Kindle. I love the ease of being able to download any book I want directly on to the Kindle in just seconds. But, it's just not the same as books.

Earlier this summer our "kid computer" died for good and since I don't allow the kids to use my laptop, Kid 5 asked to borrow my iPad. Well he borrowed it three months ago and I still don't have it back.

But thats OK, because I've returned to my love of physical books.

In fact, I think I'll be planning a trip to the bookstore sometime very soon.

Yep, that's me pointing to my book. That just happened to be 

right next to Rachel Brathen's new book! (She's like a yoga goddess 

for those who don't know.) And my book is right next to hers!

Kid's Yoga Stories

Today I unexpectedly and last minute taught a preschool yoga class. I haven't taught kids yoga in a really, really long time and I have (not even) jokingly told everyone I don't want to teach kids classes anymore. Now that my kids are older I'm kind of over the whole little kid thing. And I'm totally not joking about that.

But, about 10 little kids were waiting on yoga and no teacher today. So, I grudgingly  willingly volunteered.

At first I didn't remember how I used to teach kids yoga. I did remember meowing in cats pose and mooing in cow pose. And since the little ones weren't sitting on their mats quietly in meditation waiting for class to start like my adult classes do, I had to think quick.

OK everyone, mountain pose.

Surprisingly they all quickly stopped running around and found mountain pose.

And on top of the mountain there was a... tree!

We all found tree pose.

Hey, this is working.

OK, so we are on a mountain. And on top of the mountain is a tree. Standing on the mountain I see a... star!

We all find star pose.

This is really working!

We are all standing on a mountain. On the mountain is a tree. And we can see a star. Also on the mountain is a .... dog!

Ten little butts are quickly sticking up in the air for downward dog pose.

Eventually we came up with quite an interesting yoga story full of yoga poses.

We are standing on top of a mountain. On top of the mountain is a tree. We can see a bright star. Also on the mountain is a dog. Sitting next to a big rock. On top of the rock is a cat. Looking at the cat is a cow. The cow starts mooing to warn us there is a snake nearby. But it's OK because a lion scares away the snake. Then a bee scares away the lion! The bee lands on a warrior. The warrior flies away on an airplane. The airplane lands on the sun. The dog, the cat, the cow, the snake, the bee and the warrior are all so tired they have to lay down and take a nap.

I ended up having as much fun as the kids did and it made me smile when I heard one little girl say she wanted to take yoga again with Miss Jennifer.

Although that was sweet, I am ready to return the kids yoga class back to the current teacher.  I won't hesitate to fill in again when needed, but there's a lot less meowing and mooing in my adult classes.


English/Kids Name to Sanskrit

Mountain - Tadasana
Tree - Vriksasana
Star - Utthita Tadasana
Dog - Adho Mukha Svanasana
Rock - Balasana
Cat -Marjaiasana
Cow -Bitilasana
Snake - Bhujangasana
Lion - Simhasana (pranayama)
Bee - Brahmari (pranayama)
Warrior -Virabhadrasana
Airplane - Virabhadrasana III
Sun - Utkata Konasana
Nap - Savasana

Time To Take My Writing & My Yoga To The Next Level

A couple years ago I wrote down some life goals. Each year I check in with my list and I'm surprised how many of those goals have actually come true.

So, I'm going to stick with what works and write down my current career goals. As I've always wanted, my ultimate goal is to do what I love and reap the financial rewards from living a life I love.

• Be invited to collaborate in one of the Reverb projects. Hello,  Kat McNally and Alana Lawson? Can I play too?
• See my book for sale on Amazon.
• See my book Creating A Joyful Life: The Lessons I Learned From Yoga and My Mom sitting on my book shelf.
• Sell a copy of my book to someone outside my social circle or to someone who doesn't feel obligated to buy it.
• Sell many copies of my book.
• Embark on a book tour. I'd like to do a reading/signing back home in Pennsylvania and at some of my favorite places in California, Seattle, Portland or anywhere anyone is willing to host me!
• See my byline on Huffington Post.
• Develop and teach a writing course for our local community college.
• Attend writers workshops.
• Develop and teach local writers workshops.
• Continue my yoga teacher training.
• Continue to be able to teach yoga locally.
• Develop and teach a workshop on teaching yoga to seniors.
• Travel for my writing.
• Travel for my yoga.
• Just travel more.
• Take advantage of this time to finally become the person I am meant to be.

YogaUOnline Has A New Writer! Me!

If you haven't checked out YogaUOnline yet go do so now!

This isn't some fluffy yoga site. YogaU is full of great yoga news, education and information.

And, they just happen to have a new fabulous writer working for them!

Some of my older yoga posts from my blog here will be reprinted there as well as new original content. They've already accepted my first original piece and I'll be sure to let everyone know when it is up on the site.

For now, they've reprinted one of my more popular posts:

Yoga For Headaches - Head Wraps and Restorative Poses

Please click over and read my post as well as all the other great yoga information they have! Of course, if you like what I've written, please leave a comment on the YogaUOnline website under my post.

The Muse vs. The Master

Last night I was reminded I was a teacher.

I didn't exactly forget this little tidbit. I still taught three classes a week but I was kind of on autopilot. I felt like my passion was missing.

I desperately want to attend a yoga training to reignite my fire. I need to attend a training. I always return refreshed and inspired. But financially that's just not possible right now.

Then last night as I was teaching to a new student I had one of those moments where I swear I heard the Universe say "This! This right here is what you are supposed to be doing." I've actually had moments like this before. Apparently I need reminded of it regularly.

Also this week I was reminded I was a writer.

Again, I didn't exactly forget this fact. I've written sporadically but not nearly as often as I want to or as I used to. I haven't had the creative energy to write for about a year now. I've just been zapped by life.

Then I got an email offering me a writing opportunity. A writing opportunity that paid money! Hey, get paid for something I enjoy doing? Well OK then! And the timing was perfect considering I'm currently unemployed and looking for a new full time job.

When I told my kids about the email Kid 2 said "well you better sit your butt down and start pumping out some words!"

And pump out some words I did. So far it has been received really well and I'm waiting to hear back to see if we can turn this into a regular paying gig.

So I'm a little unsure where I should be putting my focus right now. Obviously I'm sending out resumes daily for a full time job to pay the bills. But my creative side is also fighting to re-emerge.

My heart says "Go! Follow your bliss! Write. Teach yoga. Walk the beach and drink wine!"

My responsible logical brains says "Girl, be for real."

I can't help but wonder if this is the Universe's way of telling me that I am a creative soul and my soul needs nourished. And encouraging me to find a way to pay the bills with writing and yoga.

Or it's just wishful thinking and I'm grateful for this time I have now. The responsible thing for me to do is to follow the path to a full time job that pays the bills but runs the risk of withering my soul.

But maybe, just maybe, if I stay open enough to possibility, a different path will present itself that allows me to flourish both creatively and financially.

This post is part of #AprilMoon15 a series of daily writing prompts found at Kat McNally Words To Soothe The Weary Soul.

An Afternoon of Restorative Yoga, Quiet Meditation, And Football Food.

I haven't been to a led yoga class in... a long time. I think the last class I went to was back about the time the kids went back to school in August/ September. Too long.

I'm definitely a vinyasa girl. I like to flow from one pose to another, not staying in any one pose too long. Slower classes don't feel like a work out to me. Yes, I'm aware that yoga is so much more than a "work out". But I'm a bit type A so while I'm finding some inner peace I need to be burning some calories too.

This week I got an email from a local studio offering a 2 1/2 hour restorative & yoga nidra workshop. Two and a half hours of holding supported poses, a very very slow practice and long meditation. I'll be bored out of my mind. And staying in supported restorative poses gives me way too much time to think. Which leads to confronting issues I have so far successfully avoided dealing with.

No, restorative yoga and long meditation is not what I need right now. There is too much in my life causing me stress and pain. I need to move and sweat and push it away. This restorative class has potential to be emotional and I'm sooooo tired of being emotional.

But I didn't delete the email. When Kid 2 invited friends over to watch football Sunday afternoon I figured it was my perfect excuse not to go to yoga. Why spend 2 1/2 hours on my yoga mat when I could be home eating junk food with my teenager and his friends?

Still I didn't delete the email. And Saturday night at 11:50pm I finally logged on and registered for the workshop.

I walked into the yoga studio and thought 'I'm home'. As I got situated on my mat I knew this was going to be exactly what I was afraid of. Exactly what I expected. Exactly what I needed.

With the help of bolsters and blankets my body sank into the poses and relaxed. As my body opened up my mind started chattering. Every issue, every worry came rushing at me at once. What do I do about work? Where will I find a job that pays me what I need yet lets me still be a mom? Is it time to move on? To try something new? How do I let go of the old? How do I walk away from what I've loved?

This is too much. I can't process it all and I don't know what to do about any of it.

But I fought the urge to get up and leave and instead rearranged myself into the next long held restorative pose.

Eventually my body released and I began to feel lighter. I was able to follow the instructors cues and tune in to my breath. The more I breathed the more clear the chatter in my head became. And eventually, it too, slowed down.

I think I might have dozed off  a little during the yoga nidra portion. I don't remember all of it. I know I became aware again when I heard the phrase 'I am always safe in the center of my being'.  How true that is. When I feel scared and unsure, I can feel safe again by getting low, getting quiet and tuning inward.

I left the studio emotionally drained yet lighter. And more calm than I have felt in a long time.

And I got home in time to eat too much junk food and watch football with friends and family.

Tonight, as I was browsing through Facebook, I saw this notification:

Today, Jennifer, we believe God wants you to know that ...

if you relax, it comes.

Don't seek, don't search, don't ask, don't knock, don't demand - relax. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, God shows you the way.

How appropriate for my day. Instead of muscling my way through a yoga practice and trying to sweat out the voices in my head, I got quiet. I got still. And my path became a bit more clear.

Conduits & Listening: #reverb14 Days 4 & 5

We are all lightning rods, conduits for that which the Universe wants born into this world. What energies did you channel this year?

What is the sound of your own voice?

I'm slightly behind already in #reverb14. Although, no. I'm not behind. These posts just needed a couple extra days to swim through my brain before my writing soul was ready to put them to paper.

I absolutely believe that we are all bundles of energy and each interaction is an exchange of energy. I know that I get anxious when I'm around people whose energy is negative and drags me down. I have learned I am actually quite intuitive regarding other people and I know by now to believe when my intuition tells me someones energy is not positive.

I've said for many years that being a yoga teacher is fabulous, yet also requires so much energy. Not just physical energy. Not just mental/intellectual energy. But spiritual energy. Healing energy.

In the past year I've realized and accepted that despite my love of teaching, despite not having a fear of public speaking and despite everyone elses perception of me, I am actually an introvert. Sure I don't mind being in the front of the room. But I also need time to retreat to recover and be alone. I don't mind large groups. But even in the middle of a large group I often feel isolated.

I have had students that, although I love them and I love the challenge they present, they just mentally drain me. They take so much of my energy I literally feel exhausted after teaching them.

I've been told I'm a good yoga teacher. And I know I put my heart and soul in to it. I've been told I have good energy. But it's an area I make far more deposits than withdrawals.

But sometimes, when I really really need it most, yet won't admit it, I am forced to make a withdraw.

More than once these past few weeks previous students of mine have come to my aid. They know I've been struggling and they know me well enough to know that part of my struggle is being there for everyone else and making sure they are OK. While neglecting myself when I'm not OK.

These women, who had one time stood on their mat in front of me so unsure of themselves, have sought me out and reminded me of what I have taught them. They have used my own words against me. Not against me. They have used my own words and directed them to me, for me.

My voice when I teach yoga is different than in normal conversation. When I step foot in to the yoga room my tone, clarity and cadence change without me being conscious of it. As I've spoken to these women, their voices have changed. Even if it's not in person, I can feel their energy leaning in to me. Whispering to me to ground myself and find my balance.

They have become the conduit for my own voice to reverberate back to me.

This post is part of #reverb14, a series of daily writing prompts to explore the year passed and to manifest the year ahead. This prompt was found at Kat McNally Words To Soothe The Weary Soul.

Blog Hop 2014

Last week I opened an email from my good friend and fellow blogger Natalie over at May the Schwartz Be With You. Now I love Natalie dearly, however, her email made me groan and want to throw things at her.

Natalie sent me what was basically a chain letter (they still exist?) inviting me to participate in a "Blog Hop." A blog hop is where one blogger nominates other bloggers to answer a few basic questions.

Ugh. But Natalie is smart and she knows me well enough to know exactly what to say to get me to agree:

"The point is, I really like you and would like to see your answers to these questions. Mainly because I know you need to write more.  It's cathartic and therapeutic."

Double Ugh. But when I saw Natalie at dance that week I agreed to write the post. So here we go.

Why do I keep a blog?

Well, my even beginning to blog is because of Natalie as well! She was blogging and I enjoyed reading her posts. I had told her that in my pre-mom days I was a writer and I missed writing. But that blogging was kind of dumb and narcissistic. I don't care what celebrity bloggers have to say and who would care what I have to say?

But she convinced me to at least give it a try. My first post was August 25, 2012. I wrote about my experience with Bikram Yoga, titled Yoga, Tuna & Heat. It's still one of my most favorite posts and, interestingly, still frequently pops up on my stats board as being recently being read. 

With that first blog I was bitten. The urge to write was reawakened within me. I didn't know what to expect and I honestly figured no one would read it anyway.  I had no idea where the blog would lead. The nights I'd write with tears falling on the keyboard during my mom's death from cancer.  The times I'd ache to write but couldn't get the words out during the unexpected ending of my 23 year marriage in a divorce.  And even the times I was so excited I was writing the posts in my head before I could get home to my Mac. 

This blog led to another interesting place too. It turns out a few people did actually read my blog. The right people liked what I wrote and invited me to write for Elephant Journal. Those posts led to being invited into a writers group. And finally it led to me writing my own book. 

(Shameless plug: Creating A Joyful Life: The Lessons I Learned From Yoga and My Mom available for purchase - well someday. )

So I guess I really owe Natalie for helping me fulfill a life-long dream and writing a book. I hope she will accept payment in ever-lasting love and gratitude.

What motivates me to teach yoga?

This sounds all new agey and woo woo, but I feel called to teach yoga. When I'm teaching is one of the rare times I feel content and confident. Similar to blogging, I kind of fell into teaching yoga. I was

Legs Up The Wall with
my class for savassana one night

a high impact cardio girl that just happened to also teach Pilate's. One day the yoga teacher didn't show up and so my boss asked me to fill in. I had no idea what I was doing. But I figured OK I'll get some training and see where this goes. By my second training weekend I knew this yoga thing was for me. A year or so later I made my first trip to Los Angeles to train and after that week everything changed both for me and within me.

I was a yoga teacher. This feeling, this activity, this "thing" is what I had been searching for. I have said before and I will say it again, yoga saved my life. Although I was all smiles at the gym, I was in a bad place in my private life. I truly believe if I hadn't found yoga when I did that I would not be sitting here right now the (mostly) sane, (mostly) confident, (mostly) put together woman I am.

What is/are my greatest strengths?

I never know how to answer this question. People tell me all the time how strong I am being a single mom of six kids.  How brave I am for fighting for what is right.  How proud they are of me. 

I don't see it. I see only that I've done what I needed to do to keep my family healthy, safe and happy. I've held my kids as they cried and turned into psycho mom defending them when someone tried to hurt them. I've done what all good moms are supposed to do. I hope.

Being organized, sometimes to a fault, is one of my strengths. It has to be with a large family. I've been told many times I'm "controlling." Well yeah, of course I am. How could I not be controlling with six kids and an alcoholic husband. It was the only way to tame the chaos. 

I am very guarded but also very loyal. Once I allow you into my inner circle you are in and I will fight for you till the end. I've stayed loyal to the wrong people for too long in the past, but I believe I now have a better sense of who to trust and who is worthy of trust.

What is my proudest moment?

Well, I'm pretty proud of my six kids. They are smart, funny and kind. Like all siblings do, they fight over everything. And I mean everything. But they will also turn and defend their siblings in a heartbeat. In fact we have the story of a broken hand earned in a fight by Kid 2 defending his younger girl cousin. And many stories of the brothers coming to the aid of their siblings during times of distress. 

I'm proud that I finally wrote my book. I can remember from the time I was very young saying I'm going to write a book. It took a long time, a really long time. But I did it.

Look closely at the kids hands. They each chose a word
to describe our family. 

I'm proud of the life I've built for my kids post divorce. My home is a happier place to be now. My kids now know that home is a place you should never feel afraid. Everyone in my house, and in my life, gets told regularly that I love them. And that's not a phrase I use lightly. If I tell you I love than it's real. I love you.  

If forced to pick just one, I'd say my proudest moment is when all six kids, and maybe some assorted
friends, are all in my house and I hear their laughter. Yes, that's definitely it. My proudest moment is happy, healthy kids.

Geez that was more work than I thought it was going to be! But now to nominate two bloggers I'd like to introduce you to.

First is Anita at Moon Fairy Life and Dreams. Anita is a fellow yoga teacher and soul sister. We both have a large family and full time jobs so we don't see each other nearly as often as we'd like. And, because it's true, I'm going to steal Natalie's line here: I'd really like to read more from her and because I know she needs to write more. It's cathartic and therapeutic.

Second is Rick Watson at Life 101.  Rick and his wife Jilda are both writers, singers and songwriters. Rick also often posts amazing pictures he takes with his iPhone of rural Alabama where he lives.

Natalie thought she would get an award for procrastinating because she didn't post until one hour before her Blog Hop was due. Well, my dear friend,  I did what you asked. And I did it with a full ten minutes to spare before it's due date!