The Only Prayer We Need Today

I'm still home with this broken foot. Which gives me way too much free time to watch election coverage news today.

Earlier this week I helped out in a call bank for the election. It's not much. But every little bit of effort counts. Or so I told myself.

As I was doing my regular morning meditation / gentle off-the-foot yoga practice today I felt I needed to meditate on the Buddhas Lovingkindness Meditation. As I recited it, I realized this is what the country needs to be meditating on today.

May I be safe

May I be healthy

May I be free

May I live with ease

A Lovingkindness Meditation, also called Metta meditation, is simply a practice of directing well wishes toward other people.

Doesn't that sound like a nice break from the nasty political talk these past few months? And a far better use of our time than fighting amongst our neighbors?

To practice Lovingkindness Meditation, find a comfortable seated position. Don't worry about looking like those pictures of people meditating on mountain tops. You can keep your eyes open and recite this to yourself anywhere. 

Intention is what counts. 

First, repeat the blessing three times for yourself to yourself. See yourself as healthy and well.

Then, repeat the blessing three times for someone who has helped you or brought joy to your life. 

Third, repeat the blessing three times for someone you know that is struggling or in need of healing. See that person as healthy and well.  

Finally, repeat the blessing three times visualizing your community, your country and your world. 

As I repeated the blessing the final time, I saw all the people standing in line waiting to vote. Here in my area people are standing outside in the rain waiting to cast their vote. I didn't say the blessing to encourage them to vote my way or even visualize them voting in a specific way. I just said the blessing to surround everyone today in a sense of peace and wellness. 

Again, it's a small effort. But every little bit of effort counts. 

How To Do Yoga With A Broken Foot

Once you have a regular yoga practice, you won't want anything to get in the way and stop you from the yoga. But, life happens.

I've managed to yoga through all kinds of illnesses and injuries. Usually it's just a matter of slowing down, modifying and letting go of unrealistic expectations.

And, that includes yoga with a broken foot.

It's been 9 long weeks and I am still in this boot cast. I'm allowed to take it off to sleep and shower. About a month ago I thought I was OK enough to take it off and do some gentle yoga during a workshop I was attending.

It didn't go well at first.  To summarize, this is what happens when you stand on your mat in Tadasana and try to balance evenly on both feet:

Oh, sweet baby Jesus, mother **%*, damn that hurts! And all I did was try to spread my toes.

It doesn't sound very yoga-like does it? So you sit back down on your yoga mat to figure something else out.

These past few weeks my yoga practice has been much heavier on meditation rather than asana. And I've really enjoyed it. I'm usually in too much of a rush to meditate (hence the reason I really need more meditation in my life), but this broken foot has slowed me down and forced me onto my meditation cushion.

I have really, really enjoyed it. Sometimes I listen to a guided meditation. Often I practice some Kundalini breathing and mantras. 

As for the asana practice,  is all seated or lying down now. 

• Janu Sirsasana - Head to Knee Forward bend to stretch the hamstrings and SI Joint relief
• Baddha Konasana - Bound angle pose to open the hips
• Ananda Balasana - Happy Baby and other supine hip openers
• Marjaryasana/ Bitilasana - Cat/ Cow for flexion and extension of the spine
• Sucirandhrasana - Thread the Needle to relieve neck and shoulder stress
• Balasana - Child's pose
• Matsyasana - Modified fish pose to open the chest

At first even child's pose was out of the question. The fracture and soft tissue damage is primarily around the second and third metatarsals, so resting back with the tops of my feet down hurt too much. When I was at the yoga workshop I grabbed a yoga block and placed that under the top of my ankle to prop up the broken foot. It was enough support that it didn't cause any pain.

But having just one foot up on a block was throwing my hips out of balance. Well more out of balance than they already were from walking in this damn boot cast for nine weeks!

At home I prop both feet up on my bolster when I'm in child's pose. I can stay here to stretch out my back or flow some modified kneeling vinyasa.

This is the closest picture I could find to
propping the tops of your feet to support
a foot injury.

Hopefully soon I will be out of the cast and back into my normal hurried routine. But, as with most negative things  in life, this broken foot has been a good lesson for me. It has reminded me to slow down and listen to what my body is telling me it needs.

An Afternoon of Restorative Yoga, Quiet Meditation, And Football Food.

I haven't been to a led yoga class in... a long time. I think the last class I went to was back about the time the kids went back to school in August/ September. Too long.

I'm definitely a vinyasa girl. I like to flow from one pose to another, not staying in any one pose too long. Slower classes don't feel like a work out to me. Yes, I'm aware that yoga is so much more than a "work out". But I'm a bit type A so while I'm finding some inner peace I need to be burning some calories too.

This week I got an email from a local studio offering a 2 1/2 hour restorative & yoga nidra workshop. Two and a half hours of holding supported poses, a very very slow practice and long meditation. I'll be bored out of my mind. And staying in supported restorative poses gives me way too much time to think. Which leads to confronting issues I have so far successfully avoided dealing with.

No, restorative yoga and long meditation is not what I need right now. There is too much in my life causing me stress and pain. I need to move and sweat and push it away. This restorative class has potential to be emotional and I'm sooooo tired of being emotional.

But I didn't delete the email. When Kid 2 invited friends over to watch football Sunday afternoon I figured it was my perfect excuse not to go to yoga. Why spend 2 1/2 hours on my yoga mat when I could be home eating junk food with my teenager and his friends?

Still I didn't delete the email. And Saturday night at 11:50pm I finally logged on and registered for the workshop.

I walked into the yoga studio and thought 'I'm home'. As I got situated on my mat I knew this was going to be exactly what I was afraid of. Exactly what I expected. Exactly what I needed.

With the help of bolsters and blankets my body sank into the poses and relaxed. As my body opened up my mind started chattering. Every issue, every worry came rushing at me at once. What do I do about work? Where will I find a job that pays me what I need yet lets me still be a mom? Is it time to move on? To try something new? How do I let go of the old? How do I walk away from what I've loved?

This is too much. I can't process it all and I don't know what to do about any of it.

But I fought the urge to get up and leave and instead rearranged myself into the next long held restorative pose.

Eventually my body released and I began to feel lighter. I was able to follow the instructors cues and tune in to my breath. The more I breathed the more clear the chatter in my head became. And eventually, it too, slowed down.

I think I might have dozed off  a little during the yoga nidra portion. I don't remember all of it. I know I became aware again when I heard the phrase 'I am always safe in the center of my being'.  How true that is. When I feel scared and unsure, I can feel safe again by getting low, getting quiet and tuning inward.

I left the studio emotionally drained yet lighter. And more calm than I have felt in a long time.

And I got home in time to eat too much junk food and watch football with friends and family.

Tonight, as I was browsing through Facebook, I saw this notification:

Today, Jennifer, we believe God wants you to know that ...

if you relax, it comes.

Don't seek, don't search, don't ask, don't knock, don't demand - relax. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, God shows you the way.

How appropriate for my day. Instead of muscling my way through a yoga practice and trying to sweat out the voices in my head, I got quiet. I got still. And my path became a bit more clear.

The Wife vs. The Mistress: A Lesson in Compassion

As part of another baby step towards reclaiming my life, I am once again writing for Elephant Journal Magazine.

Here is my  newest post:

The Wife vs. The Mistress

A Lesson in Compassion

Please click the link, comment and share the post if you enjoy reading it.

Meditation Tips For Beginners

Feeling stressed?       Meditate
Feeling depressed?    Meditate
Feeling confused?     Meditate
Feeling sad?              Meditate
Feeling grateful?       Meditate
Feeling happy?         Meditate


I know, I know you don't have time. Or it feels weird. Or you don't know how.

Meditation doesn't have to be scary or weird or something only those freaky yoga people do. To get you started, or just to learn more if you are even semi-interested, here is my new Elephant Journal post:

Meditation Tips For Beginners And Those Beginning Again


And if you enjoy that, please be sure to check out my other Elephant posts, listed on the Elephant page here on my blog:

Elephant Journal

Learning To Breathe: My New Elephant Post & My Intro to Energy Work and Chakra Balancing

As my close friends know, it's been a shitty year. My mom died in February and since then it's been an endless series of injuries and illnesses for me.

Is there a connection? Well of course.

Am I ready to deal with it all? Well, I'm ready to start.

In the midst of all this I received an email from a publishing house asking if I'd like a copy of a new book, Learning to Breathe by Priscilla Warner. Warner is also the author of the bestseller The Faith Club.  I get more than a few of these requests and honestly don't even remember saying yes to this one.

Eventually I got a second email asking if I was enjoying the book. Oops. So I dug through my book stack, found it, and started reading.

And couldn't put it down.

Thank you Priscilla Warner for sending me your book. Thank you for being so honest in describing your journey to wellness. And thank you for encouraging me to begin my journey.

How cool is the Ms. Warner? As I was reading and doing my internal work, she even took the time out of her busy book tour schedule to send me encouraging messages. She's a big time famous author! How humble and human of her.

Warner had access to a wide range of well known meditation teachers, rabbis, therapists, scientists and other experts and masters. My access is very limited here in rural Tennessee, but when the student is ready the teacher comes.

My teachers did come. From a massage therapist in the small town of Atoka to a chiropractor/energy worker in the even smaller town of Covington. I had read about energy work and chakra balancing, but had no idea I was about to embark on an exciting, scary, exhausting yet much needed journey of my own.

Energy work, chakra balancing and emotional tapping - yes it's all very woo woo and out there. But I'm here to say it's the real deal.

To read more about my woo woo energy work and even more about Priscilla Warner's Learning To Breathe, please click here to read my latest Elephant Journal post:

Searching For The Brain Of A Monk; Dropping A Lot of Tears Along The Way

Whether you know what energy work is, or you just are looking for a bit of peace in your life, I recommend Learning To Breathe. You won't be disappointed.

And if you want to read more of my Elephant posts, you can find them all listed on the Elephant Page of my blog here:

Elephant Journal

Month of Gratitude

I know that one of my weaknesses is I sometimes get bogged down on focusing on the small negative rather than enjoying the much larger positives that I have in my life. Usually this happens when I'm feeling hurt/angry/sad/rejected. Fortunately,  I'm usually pretty quick to pull myself out of it and return to my half-glass full way of thinking.

My yoga practice has been a big help in keeping my perspective in check and reminding the power of both negative and positive thinking.

To help instill a sense of gratitude even deeper inside myself, I'll be joining hundreds of others, some yogis some not, in A Month of Gratitude.  Each day I'll list five things I'm grateful for. I'm not setting any rules for myself, somedays there might be repeats and somedays I might have to really stretch to find something to be grateful for.

To hold myself accountable, I've created a Month of Gratitude Page here on my blog. Each days gratitude list will be posted there.

What are you grateful for today?

A Little Bit of Woo Woo in my Yoga

The end of day 3's yoga teacher training.

I'm exhausted, my brain is fried and I have hit the point where I am sitting in class staring blankly, maybe some drool escaping down my chin and all I can think is WTF are we talking about?

But I've been through this enough times now I know that tomorrow, day 4 and our final day (for now), it will all come together.

Three days of subtle energy work, chakra assessments, pendulum practice, pranyama and mudras.

Sometimes when I'm teaching my classes and I begin to cue less anatomy and more energy or feeling actions,  I'll say, "now just stay with me here, this may sound a little woo woo but here me out." My class knows woo woo is a term for 'ok, Jennifer's going all tree-hugging yogi on us.'

Well this weekend has had some real woo woo moments. But some very cool woo woo moments.

As a very left brain and linear thinker, I keep referencing Ayurvedic principles in our studies this weekend. Finally, the instructor pointed out to me that Ayurveda is the science and medical side to yoga where subtle energy is the non-medical side. Ohhhh.

Not only do they complement each other but they also prove each other. So I guess by me constantly bringing up what I've learned through Ayurveda it is my way of proving what we were learning about. Of course, there are TONS of scientific studies cited that also give credibility to subtle body work, but this was my way of processing it all.

So even a logical thinker like me can understand and embrace the woo woo.

The Universe Doesn't Negotiate With Complainers

When you ask a question are you willing to listen to the answer?

Please click on my new Elephant Journal post and read about:

Drinking Kombucha, ballerinas and accepting life is as it should be.

Feeling Down? Pick Yourself Up and Move For Just 5 Minutes

Isn't it interesting how one moment we ( I ) can be feeling on top of the world, confident and happy and then in an instant we ( I ) fall down to feeling hopeless, frustrated and defeated?

And isn't it interesting how easily we ( I ) give other people the power to set us ( me ) on that downward spiral?

And isn't it interesting how all the self care, live your yoga, stay focused techniques we ( I ) teach seem so far out of reach when we ( I ) need them?

I had a private client this afternoon who shared with me her struggles with depression. She admitted to not being in the gym the past two weeks because she just feels so overwhelmed right now it's all she can do to come home from work and wallow on the couch. Things she normally enjoys: walking her dog, exercise, gardening, she hasn't been able to make herself do because it feels like it just takes too much energy.

As we talked she realized the vicious cycle she was allowing to happen. Frustrated with life --> depression --> not take care of herself --> poor food choices --> guilt over those choices --> depression --> frustrated with life.

We decided that the next time she thought she didn't have the energy to get off the couch, she would force herself to do a self care activity for just 5 minutes. After that 5 minutes, if she really still felt down and depressed, she had permission to return to the couch. But if after those 5 minutes she even felt a little bit better, she would continue the activity for another 5 minutes.

Makes sense right? It's an ingenious idea that I know will work.

Damn I'm good.

And then I came home from work and my feel good, I love my life, happy little mood went to hell in just one phone call.

As I hurried to get the kids dinner I was looking at the clock wondering how soon would be too soon to curl up in bed and veg out in front of the TV. And I was not-so-secretly searching the pantry for sugar and carbs.  Thoughts of "why bother" and "it's always the same" were running through my brain.

As usual, after dinner the kids and the dogs were both dancing around for their evening walk. Ugh, I really don't want to. Walking two big dogs and three little kids just seems like entirely too much effort tonight.

Instead, with my own advice still ringing in my ears, I agreed to a walk. But a short walk taking the short route through the neighborhood.

As we set out I realized there had been a small break in the heat wave. I wasn't immediately melting into a puddle of sweat. As we made the first turn, it felt good to get the oxygen and blood flowing. By turn two I was saying come on we might as well take the long route.

And before I knew it me and dog #2 were even jogging.  We'd jog up a bit, then slow to a walk to let older dog #1 and kids to catch up with us.

By the time we got home, yes I was sweaty and out of breath, but I felt just a bit better too. And we had been out for way more than five minutes. I no longer craved curling up under the covers, the sugary carb cravings had passed and even those negative voices had quieted a bit.

Get moving for just 5 minutes even if I don't feel like it.

It's an ingenious idea that I know works.

Damn I'm good - no matter what anyone else does.

15 Blind Elephants

What happens when 15 Elephant Journal writers who have never met, aren't in the same place and come from different backgrounds decide to collaborate on an article? And they just happen to pick a really easy topic to start with:

What Is Spirit?

Thank you to my fellow Elephant writers for including me in their think tank and letting me run with the big dogs! (or big Elephants as the case may be)

A Break From Cyber World Does A Family Good

I'm back!

My one -week, self-imposed technology break has lasted almost three weeks. I've been very quiet on Facebook, Twitter and Blogger.

First we had our family summer vacation where even 3G access was spotty, then I came home to the stomach flu from hell and was down for almost a week. After that, I realized I was enjoying my techno break. Before, I had been spending a lot of time on social media sites and then complaining I didn't have time to read/write/walk/yoga/meditate/etc. 

Right before I left for vacation I broke down and bought a Kindle so I've been doing lots and lots of reading. Just pure, for fun reading. No heavy deep yoga philosophy books and certainly no Pulitzer Prize winning novels. Stay tuned for a Kindle review blog post to come.

And the technology free vacation? It was great! So many people asked me before we left what my kids were going to do for a week without their xbox, laptops, cell phones and iPads. 

This is what they did:

 




They played in the lake, went fishing, threw rocks, collected drift wood and got wet. 

They went horseback riding through Ozarks State Park. Kid #6's first trail ride!

Boating and tubing on the lake for an afternoon. Look! Even the 16 year old is smiling!

They had fun together!

In all it was a great trip and everyone survived - and actually thrived - being unplugged for a bit. I was able to spread out my mat on the deck of our lakeside cabin and breathe through my vinyasas as the sun rose and the day began.

My favorite moment was on our last morning. I was deep in my morning meditation and suddenly got interrupted by the screams of kid #5 yelling "Mom, I caught a fish!"

Yoga on the Soccer Field

Click here to read my latest Elephant Journal post A Yoga Mom Could Kick A Soccer Mom's Asana

An alternate title I was working on was "How I Once Again Made Sure I Didn't Fit In With The Other Moms"

And you see those two cute soccer players in the picture? They are mine! Making their public debut, I present Kid #4 and Kid #5.

Freakin' Yoga: I Love/Hate The Way It Makes Me Feel

This post was meant to be published last night, but due to the Blogger outage was delayed.  

Warning: I’m in a pissy mood.

And when I’m in a mood it’s best for everyone to just leave me alone. Alone. Don’t talk to me, look at me or try to make me feel better.

Every person, every animal and every thing should just leave me alone. 

Yet over there in the corner it sits. Taunting me. Daring me.  It knows if I walk over to the corner of my room, pick it up, and sit on it I’ll feel better.

My yoga mat.

How many times have I been mad/sad/unhappy/frustrated/depressed/hormonal and stepping on the mat has healed me. Taking the time to sit with my emotions, allow them, express them if necessary and then breathe them away will rid my being of this negativity. 

I always feel better when I work my yoga. Always.

But I don’t want to right now. I want to wallow a bit longer. I know it’s not productive. I know its not healthy. I know it’s ridiculous but this is my pissy mood and I will enjoy it as I see fit. 

So leave me alone.

The yoga mat is still there. I swear it knows I’m trying to ignore it.

Damn that yoga mat.

Personal Yoga Space

I was browsing YouTube videos tonight and came across one by my friend and mentor Leeann Carey. (LCY video tips ) Let me admit here that I have placed Leeann on a bit of a pedestal. I'm not sure I'll ever learn as much as she can teach me, but if I'm half the teacher she is I'll be thrilled.

Leeann's YouTube video was shot in her home yoga studio. So, keeping in mind the glamorous vision I've created for her, imagine my surprise when on one side of her yoga mat was a book shelf and on the other side was her desk.

Wait, where was the cliff overlooking the ocean? Where were the birds chirping and breeze blowing? Does the lovely Leeann really have to squeeze her mat in between real life too?

Here is my normal home yoga practice place. It's the corner of my bedroom, between the bed and bookshelf. Notice it's also where new puppy sleeps. It's also the place where things get thrown when I don't know what else to do with them. So when I'm ready to roll out the mat, I have to move this stuff -and dog - out of the way first.

Since my mat is in the corner, it is nice to open the blinds and throw open the windows. It's not an ocean breeze but it feels good as I'm flowing my practice. And how nice to be able to turn my face to the sun during morning meditation.

Sometimes there are other people or dogs or too much stuff in the bedroom and I'll move out to the living room. Again, moving the rug out of the way, pushing the chair over and usually moving dogs again.

My favorite place to practice when the weather is nice is my backyard deck. The deck provides ample space,  the perfect mixture of sun and shade in the morning, a nice breeze and even birds chirping. Often on a Sunday morning I'm flowing through vinyasas while one of the kids is on the swings and one of the dogs is chasing birds.

The deck is also big enough that I can invite my yoga friends over to enjoy the space too. Last summer when our regular yoga place got flooded, class continued on the deck every Wednesday morning. We slathered on the sun screen, let the kids run around the backyard and we got our yoga on.

Now that I have the deck to myself again, sometimes it feels a little lonely. But I still enjoy the quiet, the breeze, the sun and the space to roll out my mat. And there is plenty of room for the dogs too!

Stress and Sniff

Jennifer time has been missing lately.

Jennifer time is time to drive the 45 minutes to the closest yoga studio and take a class, or get a pedicure, or browse a bookstore. Alone. Only Jennifer is invited to Jennifer time.

I've been really busy lately teaching, training, and other assorted projects and I was feeling that sense of impending doom that comes when I'm being pulled in too many directions.

So this morning I cleared my schedule and began the drive into town. I left my house in plenty of time, but didn't take into account the leftover road damage from yesterday's storm. So with stop lights not working, I sat in traffic.

At first I was calm. I enjoyed the radio and caught up on my Twitter feed.

But my car still wasn't moving. At this point I'm not even sure I'm going to make it to class on time. And there is nowhere on this road to just turn around.

Warning - potential complete meltdown approaching.

I hate that I live so far away from a yoga studio! I hate this town! I hate this state for having such bad weather all the time! I hate this radio in this car! I hate I hate I hate!

I'm no longer practicing my yoga breathing but instead fighting the urge for primordial screaming.

Finally traffic starts moving and my non-yoga mantra becomes "slow down, this road is always full of cops".

I pulled into the studio parking lot with 3 minutes to spare. I ran thru the studio door, quickly signed in, kicked off my shoes and roughly rolled out my mat. I was full of pent up negative energy and ready to jump some chaturangas.

Instead, the teacher started us in meditation. And I melted. My breathing slowed, my anxiety calmed and I actually felt some peace. The rest of the class was a gently flowing practice that allowed my heart to open and my mind to clear.

During savasana the teacher placed lavender on our shoulders. The smell was all I needed for my final descent into yoga bliss.

Driving home I felt completely yogified. And then my cell phone rang.

It was the high school geometry teacher. Again. Kid number 1 has a lot of missing assignments. Again. He has detention this week to make up the assignments. Again.

As I hung up the phone, I turned my head to the side and sniffed my shoulder.

Ahh, lavender. I took a deep breath and smiled.

Change The Voices In Your Head

You're so mean, when you talk, about yourself you were wrong. 

Change the voices, in your head, make them like you instead. 

-- Pink F'ing Perfect

What happens when you get what you've wanted for so long? Do you jump for joy and shout it from the roof tops? Or do you get paralyzed with fear and question your worthiness?

I get quiet and scared and make mental lists of why it won't work out anyway.

Why do I do that?

The voices inside my head tell me I'm not good enough. And I believe them. 

At about midnight last night my iPhone beeped with an email that had great news. My first thought was oh no.

Why do I do that?

Today I got on my yoga mat and had a good practice. I moved, I breathed, I was confident.

Then somebody asked me what my good news was and I said oh it's no big deal. I played small.

Why do I do that?

Some days when I'm having trouble settling into meditation, I'll repeat the So Hum mantra. So Hum: I am that. Inhale So, exhale Hum.

I am that. I am worthy. I am loved. I am valuable. I am confident. I am secure. 

I am that. So Hum.

I deserve this opportunity. I've studied, trained and worked for it. I am ready. I accept it. I am. 

Pink F'ing Perfect Official Video

Pink Pigs, Silly Songs & Meditation

The seventh limb of yoga is dhyana. Meditation. That elusive state of a calm, clear, peaceful mind.  I’ve heard it described as “sitting in the hands of God.”

You’ve seen the images of people sitting in lotus pose on the top of a mountain, the wind blowing, the sun setting, as they find inner peace and happiness. Yeah, that’s not me.

But I’m sitting in a teacher training workshop where we’ve just spent the past couple hours talking about meditation, what it means, how it relates to yoga, the medical and scientific benefits of it.  I’m interested and more than willing to try to find some inner peace.

I and my fellow yogis roll up our mats and blankets, find a place around the room, the lights dim and we begin to breathe. So far so good. I’ve been here what, a second or two? Then my nose itches. And my hips ache. I wonder if I am allowed to change positions once I start meditating? I figure this is probably against the rules so I stay still and suffer.  Isn’t there something about finding the true path through suffering? (There’s not by the way).

Ok, I’m here I’m breathing let’s make this happen. Finally my breath takes over and I feel my body begin to relax.  I don’t really notice it yet but my mind is actually becoming quieter.  My body is relaxing.

I don’t know how long I was in this relaxed state, but I was able to reach a place where I had an image. Are you ready for my grand and life-altering image? It was a giant neon pink pig running through the streets of Memphis.

What?  A giant neon pink pig? That’s not fair! I want to sit in the hands of God! What does a giant pink pig mean? I want a do over to this mediation!

Since then my meditation practice is very slowly evolving.  I’ve learned that setting my iPhone alarm for five minutes is a doable amount of time to carve out of my morning to sit still and breathe. Days I allow myself those five minutes are days I find myself more centered and better equipped to handle whatever the Universe throws at me.

But, still, I’m not always the picture of serenity.  In fact today was especially frustrating. My brain kept breaking out into Cee Lo’s song Forget You. Sure it’s a catchy tune: I’m like forget you, and forget her too.

Stop singing and just be quiet! Oh great now I’m yelling at myself for being a meditation failure.  This isn’t going well.

Although that’s why both meditation and yoga are called a practice. They are both a work in progress. There is no perfect meditation or perfect yoga.  Some days are quiet reflective sessions that bring me closer to the Divine. 

And somedays, well, it’s best to just break out into song and let myself sing.

For those not familiar with the song you can check it out here. (Note: this is the version NOT safe for work or children!) Cee Lo Green F* You

Here is the cleaned up Glee version - it's just as catchy! Glee / Cee Lo Forget You

A Change Is Gonna Come

There’s something in the air, a sense that something is about to happen –a shift, a change in my reality. I don’t know what it is and that both scares and excites me at the same time.

Yes the seasons are changing. The weather has a chill, the leaves are falling and the plants are no longer blooming. But it’s more than that. And I think others are sensing it too.

The dogs are running around like they are on puppy crack and when they do settle down they sit at the windows with the their head hanging on the windowsill staring outside. Just looking. Like they too are waiting for something.

When I shared a dilemma with a trusted confidante I was told I need to either get on the bus or get off the bus. From the depths of my soul I was screaming let me off this bus. Yet no sound escaped me. Yet.

Quite a few people have asked me lately what’s wrong with me? I don’t know. I just feel – well I’m not even sure what I feel. Antsy. Anxious. Yet at the same time I feel calmer and more settled than I have in a long time.

It’s been a struggle for me lately to get my cardio workouts in. But my yoga home practice has become easier, more necessary and more comforting to me. My morning meditation – which used to be just a someday I’d like to do that idea – has become more of a reality.

Seal’s version of the song A Change is Gonna Come has always been a favorite of mine and it’s on one of my favorite yoga playlists. I haven’t played it in class in a long time though because every time I hear it now I get emotional.

There’s been times I thought I wouldn’t last for long

Now I think I’m able, able to carry on

It’s been a long, long time comin’

But I know a change’s gon’ come, oh yes it will

I don’t know what the universe has in store for me. I’ve been walking through a forest for a long time now, and I’m finally starting to see some light through the trees up ahead.  I may get sunburned, but I believe I need to take the chance that instead I will bask in the warmth and glory.

If you haven't heard Seal's version of this old Sam Cooke song, you've got to take a listen. The man's voice is amazing, and well, he's not hard to look at either!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKV4UD0GQeE

Another Post About The New Yoga Mat

As I was writing this tonight kid #2 came in and asked what I was doing.

Me: Writing a blog post.

Kid #2: About what?

Me: My new yoga mat.

Kid #2: Again? Seriously mom no one cares that much about your yoga mat.

And he’s probably right. I realized today that I am putting way too much thought into this new mat and way too much pressure on myself to feel worthy of a designer mat.

It all started earlier today when I saw a Hummer limousine driving down the streets of my small town. (Stay with me, this is related to yoga mats.) My first thought was, ‘Now who possibly is so self-indulgent to want to ride in a Hummer limo?’ It’s showy, pretentious and over the top.

Today was also the season finale of a Free Yoga in the Park class I offer in the summer. I had with me my usual supplies of extra yoga mats, towels and water. I also had my old and falling apart Walmart yoga mat that I was using. (If you simply must read more about my old purple mat and my new orange mat, you can read it here: http://jenniferyogalifeway.blogspot.com/2010/10/yoga-mats-out-with-old-and-in-with-new.html)

A few of the class members asked where my new mat was. Well, it’s home rolled up in my closet. They asked why I wasn’t using it. Well, it’s big and I feel kind of ostentatious carrying it around. And I might return it and if I do I sure don’t want to be using it on the ground at the park.

So the obvious question then was why did I even buy it in the first place? I needed a new one, I liked the way this was made, and I do like how big it is. I’m 5’9” and my heels often hang off the back in a downdog and other poses.

But it’s so big. And heavy. At close to 10 pounds I’m picturing carrying it on an airplane and lugging it to classes. And I’m really picturing rolling it out in a class. What will others think? Will they think I’m self-indulgent and over the top?

Finally, the voice of reason came from a very unlikely source -  a new man to yoga class today. He was a very big guy, athletic, muscular. Not at all the kind of guy you’d look at and think oh he does yoga.

“Honey, that mat has no feelings. It’s just a piece of rubber. Quit putting your issues on that mat.”

Oh wow, his first ever yoga class and he’s already got what yoga is really all about. Letting go of what is holding us back and keeping us tied down.  Letting go of not only physical pain but also our own emotional and mental pain that we often inflict upon ourselves.

I often end my yoga classes by saying that yoga isn’t about tying yourself up in knots, but rather it’s about untying the knots inside you. Freeing the physical blockages inside to allow a personal freedom to flow.

So, once again, I’m reminded to take my own advice.  Tomorrow the new, very big, very orange mat will be pulled out of the closet and will be christened with downdog, virabhadrasana and definitely a “letting go of what others think of me” meditation.