When Multitasking Doesn't Work

As a freelance writer, I have to fit in my writing any time and any where I can. Late at night is the most common writing time. With a close second being while my girls are dancing.

Most of the time that works out pretty well.

Except for when it doesn't.

I am currently sitting in the back of a conference room as about 75 teenagers participate in a tap dance workshop with some well-known tap teacher I've never heard of but the girls were quite excited about. I am currently supposed to be working on current science-backed research to promote yoga as an optimal alternative health practice for low back pain.

Yeah, this isn't working too well.

The music is loud

The tap is loud.

The girls are thirsty.

And hungry.

And tired.

This is day five of their National Dance Competition and these girls are wore out. These workshops are supposed to be their reward for a week of intense dance competition. Except my girls, and our dance school, have done so well we have been invited back to dance again tomorrow in the big showcase where all the first place winners compete against each other.

It's actually quite an honor for our little dance school.

But, we are tired.

Ironically, I volunteered for parent duty for this, as well as the next two workshops spanning over six hours. My theory was I would look like the good mom volunteering to sit with the girls for six straight hours of booming music while at the same time have six hours to do nothing but write.

I am reading current scientific research, but in my head I hear step ball change, step ball change,  shuffle shuffle out. Good now do it faster!

And of course when I hear, now put it together go!, I have to look up and watch as they dance to the choreography they just learned a minute ago.

I'm not sure how much scientific writing I'll get accomplished today. I may need to let the girls know I'll be just outside under a shady tree somewhere if they need me.

The Five-Year Writing Plan

December 7 Question: In terms of your writing career, where do you see yourself five years from now, and what’s your plan to get there?

A five-year plan. Well I don't have a concrete long term plan. Except to keep writing of course.

I have made the commitment to begin book two and would like to have it published no later than the beginning of 2018. I was originally thinking next summer but I'm not sure I can get a quality product out in that time.

Of course I would like to continue earning money for my writing. I am happy that my writing brings in a monthly income, but there's always a desire to increase the amount. 

I suppose in five years I would like to be where I've always wanted to be -- a full time writer earning enough money to not have to work a "real job". 

My two favorite times in the past year were on the surface not very good times; Last summer when I was laid off from my full time job and without another full time job for four months. And then these past couple months when I was home with a broken foot on workers comp. Both of those times off of work saw big bursts of writing and creativity. Just not enough financial reward to permanently stay home and write. But I loved the freedom of spending my days writing, reading and creating. 

I know I've said it before, but when I write (and when I am teaching yoga) I feel like I am living my dharma. 

So, OK, an actual plan:

• Continue to write
• Commit to writing more regularly
• Continually remind myself that I must allow writing to be a priority in my life
• Be more intentional in seeking out paid writing opportunities
• Create a timeline, and follow the timeline, to publish book two
• Be more intentional in finding promotion opportunities for book one
• Stop the negative self talk of "I'm not a real writer if I also have to work a day job"

This post is a part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group, a monthly meeting of writers who over think, under write and just want people to like them.

Join Up Dots Podcast.. and I Quit My Job

I haven't written in three months!

Not just haven't made a blog post, but I haven't written anything besides a grocery list in three months! Actually, if you saw my refrigerator you'd know I haven't even made a grocery list.

I've been busy. Obviously. I fell in to that trap I fall into way too often of working way too much, being way too tired and becoming way depressed. No writing, no exercise, no healthy eating. Just work, work, work.

Now, as a single mom fighting for every bit of child support I can get, I have no choice but to work. And work a lot. But, as I have asked many times before, at what cost?

I've not liked the part time over-night job I had for a long time. But being the overly loyal person I am, I was determined to stick it out. Then a series of family events, combined with changes within the company, combined with sheer exhaustion made me realize I was miserable!

And on the night I was at work when kid number 2 called to tell me he had arrived at boot camp, and as I could hear the drill instructors yelling behind him, and as one of the managers reminded me of the no cell phone policy (yeah like I wasn't going to take that call! Cell phone policy be damned when one of my kids calls!), I broke down crying. Yes, I was crying because kid 2 was gone. But I was also crying because I just couldn't stay in this job any longer.

It occurred to me that this job wasn't getting me anywhere closer to where I wanted to be. Not only wasn't it a career path I wanted, but it wasn't even helping all that much financially.

So, it's gone. I know it was the right decision and I have faith that another career/financial opportunity will present itself soon.

As I was thinking about all this, I remembered the podcast I did a couple months ago. I was a guest on Join Up Dots where the theme of the show is going after what you want in life. I did a lot of talking about not settling for less and taking chances on going after more. All while working a job I didn't like.

In fact, when the interviewer asked me if I was telling others to quit their jobs, I said absolutely not! I would never tell someone else to quit their job. No one can make that decision for anyone else. Only you know when the time is right.

Well, the time was right.

And, as usual, I really should listen to my own advice more often!

Here's the link to the podcast. Please take a listen, share the link via your social  media and even leave a comment on the Join Up Dots site. It really is a cool podcast full of inspirational people!

http://joinupdots.com/podcast/499-jennifer-williams-fields/

Writer's Guilt - The Self Imposed Kind

Tonight I read Murees Dupe's blog about writer's guilt. She linked back to a blog hop writer's group called the Insecure Writer's Support Group - what a fabulous idea!

So tonight's post is number one of my participation in the IWSG. Yes, I realize I'm a day late. But, as an insecure and sometimes lazy writer, I just saw the post tonight.

Why am I feeling insecure as a writer right now?

Because everyone is being too nice to me and telling me how much they are enjoying my book and recent articles.

Stop being so nice to me everyone! It's too much pressure!

I recently had two of my articles picked up by Yahoo, one even made the Yahoo home page. Pretty cool right? But what if it never happens again? What if the best writing I'll ever do has already been done? What if I'm a one-hit wonder?

I've been in a writing lull for a couple weeks now. I'm the type of writer that writes when I'm inspired. But the past couple weeks I've just been hanging out with the kids before they go back to school. Netflix marathons and eating junk food haven't left me very inspired.

So we can add "not a very disciplined writer" to the list of reasons I'm feeling insecure tonight.

I'm sure there are other reasons I'm feeling insecure tonight. But I'm on season three of The Newsroom on Netflix and there's some Haagen-Dazs in the freezer waiting for me.

So Now That I'm Kinda Famous....

So now that I'm a famous best-selling published author

So now that I'm a famous best-selling published author

So now that I'm a published author who has actually sold a few books, my life has changed in miraculous ways.

The day the book was released to Amazon I had a standing 10am meeting with a friend/massage therapist. As I walked in the door, I was greeted with hugs, congratulations and high fives. We spent lots of time rejoicing and planning the future.

I drove home smiling and feeling damn proud of myself.

When I got home, the kids were finally awake (summer vacation as teenagers means staying up all night and sleeping most of the day).  I gathered everyone around for the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT --

Mom's book is selling on Amazon!!!

"Cool."

"Did you get paid?"

"Do we get paid?"

"What's for dinner?"

I know they didn't show their enthusiasm, but they meant it I'm sure.

Never mind their lack of celebration, I'm a real author now!

But, this garbage disposal doesn't seem to be aware I AM A PUBLISHED AUTHOR. It should have some decency and not be broken and spraying gunk out of it!

And my car also isn't aware I AM A PUBLISHED AUTHOR. So it can just stop flashing that 'oil pressure low' light at me.

And why does the pool have another leaky hose? Hello!!!! PUBLISHED AUTHORS don't have pools that leak!

OK so maybe my life hasn't changed all that much. But, still, it's pretty cool and I'm pretty proud that I actually wrote a book.

Although, I bet Stephen King's pool doesn't leak.

(For those of you who have somehow escaped being forced to listen to me tell you about my book -- the link is over there on the right. You can buy it! Please do.)

2am phone calls

Ending With Certainty: #reverb14 Day 21

Today, I'd like you to revisit what you wrote on 1 December on the first day of Reverb14.
How does that compare to where you are now i.e. what can you say today with certainty?

On the first day of #reverb14 I wrote a pretty dark and depressing post. At the time, I meant everything I said and even now I don't feel the need to take any of it back. The only thing I can say right now with absolute certainty is I still know nothing.

I don't know the future.
I don't know the reasons for everything in my past.
I don't know on some nights how I will make it through the next day, month, year.
I don't know the answers to so many questions I continue to ask.

However, after a few weeks of purging my demons into blog posts and a bit of an emotional breakdown, I am certain of a few things.

I know I have friends who care about me.
I know I am intelligent and have value to offer to the person who is open to accepting it.
I know that the only person in my life I really have any control over is myself.
I know the only thing stopping me from living a life worth living is me.

Then, without thinking too hard about it, grab a pen and some paper and finish the following sentences:
In 2015, I am open to...

Possibility.

In 2015, I want to feel...

Genuine happiness. Love. A sense of accomplishment.

In 2015, I will say no to...

Those who make me feel worthless. Myself when I tell myself I'm not good enough.

In 2015, I will know I am on the right track when… 

I am living my life with ease. My life may not be easy, but I won't be muscling my way through trying to force the world around me to conform, only causing me more suffering.

But when I find myself veering off course, I will gently but firmly…

Force myself back into what I know works: self care, exercise, sleep, asking for help.

In December 2015, I want to look back and say...

This is the year I finally stopped saying "I'm going to..." and instead say " I did...".

This post is part of #reverb14, a series of daily writing prompts to explore the year passed and to manifest the year ahead. This prompt was found at Kat McNally Words To Soothe The Weary Soul.

This Picture Makes Me Happier Than The Story Behind The Picture

It's a pretty normal, almost boring, picture. Kid 4 and Kid 5 in the backseat of my car reading. But this picture just makes my heart swell with happiness.

You see a couple years ago I did this little thing and I committed to writing a book. Then the divorce drama happened and I shelved the book. Well to be honest I didn't shelf it. I actually picked it up, walked to the trash can and threw it away.

Not my smartest decision I know. But fortunately I wasn't thinking clearly enough at the time to delete it off my hard drive as well so I did still have a copy.

Last year I decided to take a look and see how bad it was. To my surprise there really wasn't much I felt I needed to change. And then, once again, life drama got in the way and I shoved the project aside.

Earlier this year I decided this was it. Pull the darn thing out and just get it finished! It felt like the time was meant to be when a wonderful woman, and a legitimate professional editor, entered my life and offered to take a look at it for me. Like, she's a real editor. For real authors. And she not only was looking at my book but she liked my book!

Since she is a professional editor she works much faster and more efficiently than I do. She sent her edits within a month. Everything she suggested was completely spot on. I went through and made the changes she suggested and...

The shit hit the fan again.

This was a tough summer for my family. As tough, if not more so, than the summer my ex-husband walked out on us. I haven't written about it and I'm not sure I will. I had a major kid crisis and my kids are off limits. So that story will have to wait a little bit.

But, it leads back to the picture above. As I lay awake on yet another sleepless night, not even thinking about the book, it popped into my head what I needed to write. What I needed to write about the kid crisis and what I needed to write to complete the book.

Just a couple short weeks later I was standing in the printers office waiting my turn to pick up a package. The kids were bugging me asking why we were there and what was so important. As the clerk handed me the package, the kids looked at what I was holding. Their eyes got big, their smiles got bigger and they practically shouted "You got your book!"

Yes, the book is complete. I have two galley copies of Creating A Joyful Life: The Lessons I Learned From Yoga and My Mom. 

As we walked to the car Kid 4 got a gleam in her eye and offered to carry the galleys for me. I knew right away what she was up to.

As she got in the car she handed the second copy to her brother and they both immediately started reading. They don't care so much about the content of the book, they were just reading to find their names. They were very excited when they found them.

What you can just barely see in the picture is Kid 6 in the back seat trying to find out if her name is in the book too. It is.

There are still a few edits to be done. And I need to find someone to help me format it properly for publishing. But, the writing is complete.

One galley copy is in the hands of a trusted friend/professional to read and hopefully write a good review for the back cover. The second copy is sitting on my dresser. Each day I see it and I smile.

Who knows how long it will be until, if ever, it's actually in print and available for purchase. I'm almost OK if it stays for my eyes only and never gets out there to the publishing world. Almost.

I set out to write a book. And I did.

Grateful To Be Able To Write

I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy reading your elephant journal. Thanks for being such an independent strong woman, and for allowing me to be in you and your girls lives. You're definitely some one I look up to. (:

I received this message tonight. To hear that something I write touches someone else means the world to me. 

The funny thing is, what I call my "throw away" pieces, the ones I write and I don't think much of,  tend to be the ones that get the most response. My latest Elephant Journal post had more than 1000 views and was shared to more than 40 Facebook pages before I even knew it was published. Like any piece of literature not all the reviews have been positive. But like Bob Weisenberg told me years ago, even if someone says something negative at least they are reading what you wrote.

Positive, negative or neutral reviews I always write for myself first.  I believe writing helps keep my crazy away. Or at least at a distance. 

Why Do Young Women Do What They Do?

Please click the link, comment and share the post if you also enjoy reading it.

You can also read my other posts on Elephant Journal here or by clicking the tab up top titled Elephant Journal. 

15 Blind Elephants

What happens when 15 Elephant Journal writers who have never met, aren't in the same place and come from different backgrounds decide to collaborate on an article? And they just happen to pick a really easy topic to start with:

What Is Spirit?

Thank you to my fellow Elephant writers for including me in their think tank and letting me run with the big dogs! (or big Elephants as the case may be)

107 Blog Posts, Lessons, Tears - The Journey Has Just Begun

Recently it was brought to my attention that I didn't write a Happy 100 blog post. Well, not only did I not know I was supposed to write a commemorative 100th blog post, but I didn't even realize I had reached 100 already!

So, tonight we have Congratulations 107 Blog Post.

I started this blog almost exactly 9 months ago with the intention to get back to journaling, rekindle my love of writing and a place to talk about and share my yoga. I had friends who wrote blogs that were fun to read so I figured I'd give it a try. I honestly didn't think anyone would read it, and I honestly didn't care. I was writing for myself.

I had no idea then the topics that I would end up writing about, the truths I would share here, or how important this blog would become to me.

I wouldn't have believed there were going to be nights I cried as I typed, but I had to keep typing in order to stop crying.

Yoga - I wrote about poses on the mat, living yoga off the mat, and even a couple posts about the actual yoga mat.

Kids - last summer was my summer spent riding in the back of an ambulance to LeBonheur Children's Hospital where kid #3 would end up in traction, surgery, casts and weekly doctor visits. Just as he was finishing up his summer in a cast, kid #5 fell and we began the process all over again. Looking back over those blogs now I'm reminded how  the rest of the kids came together with concern and compassion. For a moment in time the sibling rivalry and bickering stopped and we as a family were there for each other.

Career - I've been very fortunate to to have had some success in my yoga teaching. I've been to Los Angeles and San Diego to train with some amazing yoga mentors. I even got to spend an an amazing weekend with John Friend  where I can honestly say I met some of the nicest yogi's ever.

Cancer - when this blog began, I had a healthy mom who was happy I was finally getting back to writing. Shortly after I started writing again, she was diagnosed with cancer. Just five months later she was dead. Looking back at the posts I wrote about mom being sick, I see the increasing fear in my writing. My posts about mom began in a "well doesn't this suck" kind of way. They quickly became more serious and more powerful. Some of the hardest posts I've written have turned out to be my most read posts. I've been told my writing has helped other people going through their own difficulties. That's one of the best compliments a writer can receive.

Finding the writer within me - Starting this blog reminded me of and returned me to my first love. I may have forgotten for awhile, but I can't not write any better than I can't not breathe. It's part of who I am. And in a surprise turn of events, my YogaLifeWay blog here has turned into  recurring posts on  Elephant Journal. You can read my Elephant posts by clicking the links on the side listed here -->
under the Elephant logo. (Please click the links! I promise it's more good stuff.) My latest post sort of takes everything I've written about here in the past 9 months and applies the lessons it's all taught me.

I had no idea what was going to happen when I started this blog. I have no idea what is yet to come. I'm pretty sure more tears, more laughs and more lessons. I'm honored that so many are reading my posts here and over at Elephant. The only way I can keep doing this though is to keep my intention the same. I'm writing to me, for me.

Thank you for joining me on my journey.