He said no.
Many times over the years I said I was going to mow a ball field and each time he said no. I have no desire to go in to detail here about the control issues surrounding him telling me no, but this one issue became a very big deal to me.
It's been almost exactly three years since the infamous phone call letting me know my marriage was in fact over and I was getting a divorce, and I finally have a ball field in my back yard.
As I was out the other evening mowing the base lines, I kept thinking 'this is mine'. I am no longer controlled by him. I make my own decisions.
I realize to most people mowing the yard, and mowing a ball field into the yard, is a petty act of independence. But to me it is so much more.
It is a sign that I am no longer controlled by a very controlling man. I no longer care what he will think if he finds out.
I am becoming more free.
Then an interesting thing happened. What started out as a F*** You to a ghost from my past, became an event where I just allowed myself to have fun for the sake of having fun.
The kids and I invited over a bunch of friends for a swim party/play ball/BBQ evening.
First we played wiffle ball.
Then it was time for kickball.
And because our backyard really is that big, why not spray paint a Twister game into the yard too!
The night quickly transformed from past resentments keeping a hold of me to being able to look ahead to a happier, more fun-filled future.
And the ball field will be staying as a reminder that there is a happier future for me and my family.