Letter To The Universe

Dear 2012 -

OK, here we go. Can we please do things differently than we did last year?

I'm doing my part to start our year together on the right foot. I did not hit the snooze button this morning. No, I did not. I got myself up, dressed and out the door early on my way to a New Years Day Puja Ceremony. Asana, pranyama, meditation, Sanskrit chanting and of course the fire ceremony. That covers all the bases right?

Everyone asked me what I threw into the fire. What did I burn as a symbol of being ready to let go of, and what did I offer up that I'd like to bring into my life this year? Ah, but you know. And I know. That's all that matters.

We both know what last years low point was. Is there anything worse than losing a parent? Except I imagine losing a child. And good God I'll sell my soul not to have to ever experience that. There were definitely some dark moments where you brought me to my knees and knocked me off my feet.

So after all the crap you put me through,  I mean lessons you taught me last year, I'm ready to do it differently this year. I'm not talking about resolutions. Come on, we both know as long as Ben &  Jerry's exist in the world I'm just not going to lose 20 pounds. Let's forget that kind of stuff and shift our focus.

What I'm talking about, what I'm looking for is bigger. Like, I admit that I am not in total control of my life's path. I am willing to eagerly explore the opportunities presented to me. I am open to the gifts you have and will continue to give me. I'm willing to say I don't know, help me, teach me.

Now can we maybe meet halfway?

I've already committed to a writer's group. I'm putting myself out there and going after the dream of writing a book. It would be really helpful if my Muse showed up when I needed her.

I realize isolating myself and crawling under the covers is not productive. Even on my worse days, please help me find the things that keep me healthy and whole: sun, exercise and laughter.

I admit my ego and pride get in the way. I have some weird need for people to see me as strong and capable. Help me accept help that is offered, show my weaknesses and let go of the Super Woman persona I too often almost kill myself to achieve.

We both know I'd take a bullet for my kids. Maybe this year you can stop me when in moments of exhaustion or exasperation my tongue lashes out and shoots words that aren't kind and loving? And for those outside my home, rather than too quickly judge, perhaps you can remind me everyone is working their own struggle and just trying to do the best they can.

This year I commit to being present. To enjoy where I am when I'm there. To enjoy the wild ride you put me on and trust you to take care of me along the way.

Sincerely,

Just a small dot in your vast Universe trying to make a difference around me