I got some news today on my broken foot that - potentially - could be problematic.
It's been nine looonngg weeks and the foot still isn't quite healing properly. I've been out of work totally these past few weeks to better stay off it and rest it. And I have followed these directions far better than I have followed doctors orders in the past.
But, there is still something wrong. The doctor threw around words like "permanent", "nerve damage" and "surgery".
I kind of spaced out after hearing the words permanent and surgery so I'm not real sure what else was said.
On the way home I began to freak out about:
I am very grateful for worker's comp insurance but let's be real, when I do get the workers comp pay (whenever that ends up being) it won't be the same amount of my regular paycheck. And finances were beyond tight even when I was working all the time. So, this is an issue.
2 - The possibility that this could be a life-long thing.
I am too young to be dealing with permanent injuries. I don't want to have to say I can't hike, participate in 5K's, or just run around with my kids because of an old injury. I don't want to be debilitated yet. Well, ever. But not now!
I've written before about my health and fitness goal in life is to be the best 90-year-old I can be. I try to live my life with the idea of will what I'm doing today get me where I want to be tomorrow? I used to say I wanted to be in good enough shape to be a Grizzly Granny, moving and grooving along with those dancers, but the fact is I'm not a great dancer now, let alone in twenty or thirty years.
To make it worse, I hadn't been totally been staying on top of my "best 90-year-old I can be" lifestyle choices this past year. Soda and junk food have crept their way into my life, combined with way less yoga and walking than I'm used to.
Now I feel like I'm injured and not starting to heal from a place of optimal health. I know I'm not starting this in good fighting shape.
But, it is what it is I suppose.
I've spent my time off getting quite a bit of writing done, a lot of reading and I've been doing a meditative heavy yoga practice rather than flowing vinyasas. Except for the broken foot, it's actually been kind of nice.
But, if this goes on much longer, it will definitely stop being kind of nice.