Join Up Dots Podcast.. and I Quit My Job

I haven't written in three months!

Not just haven't made a blog post, but I haven't written anything besides a grocery list in three months! Actually, if you saw my refrigerator you'd know I haven't even made a grocery list.

I've been busy. Obviously. I fell in to that trap I fall into way too often of working way too much, being way too tired and becoming way depressed. No writing, no exercise, no healthy eating. Just work, work, work.

Now, as a single mom fighting for every bit of child support I can get, I have no choice but to work. And work a lot. But, as I have asked many times before, at what cost?

I've not liked the part time over-night job I had for a long time. But being the overly loyal person I am, I was determined to stick it out. Then a series of family events, combined with changes within the company, combined with sheer exhaustion made me realize I was miserable!

And on the night I was at work when kid number 2 called to tell me he had arrived at boot camp, and as I could hear the drill instructors yelling behind him, and as one of the managers reminded me of the no cell phone policy (yeah like I wasn't going to take that call! Cell phone policy be damned when one of my kids calls!), I broke down crying. Yes, I was crying because kid 2 was gone. But I was also crying because I just couldn't stay in this job any longer.

It occurred to me that this job wasn't getting me anywhere closer to where I wanted to be. Not only wasn't it a career path I wanted, but it wasn't even helping all that much financially.

So, it's gone. I know it was the right decision and I have faith that another career/financial opportunity will present itself soon.

As I was thinking about all this, I remembered the podcast I did a couple months ago. I was a guest on Join Up Dots where the theme of the show is going after what you want in life. I did a lot of talking about not settling for less and taking chances on going after more. All while working a job I didn't like.

In fact, when the interviewer asked me if I was telling others to quit their jobs, I said absolutely not! I would never tell someone else to quit their job. No one can make that decision for anyone else. Only you know when the time is right.

Well, the time was right.

And, as usual, I really should listen to my own advice more often!

Here's the link to the podcast. Please take a listen, share the link via your social  media and even leave a comment on the Join Up Dots site. It really is a cool podcast full of inspirational people!

http://joinupdots.com/podcast/499-jennifer-williams-fields/

Manifesto 2016 #Reverb15

Your last challenge for Reverb15 is to write your manifesto for 2016. 

If you’re not sure where to start, I'd highly recommend checking out Alexandrea Franzen's 5 ways to write a blow-your-mind manifesto!

For bonus points, make it into a work of art.

I'm on a 30 minute break right now between job one and job two, hiding out in one of the only two places in Millington, TN there is to hide out in that has WiFi. Although Reverb15 is officially over, my insane work schedule has me a bit behind, but I am determined to complete the prompts that are still haunting me.

Each year Kat ends Reverb with the prompt to write our personal manifesto. This year, I'm taking her advice and following the manifesto template by Alexandrea Franzen. 

1. I BELIEVE …

I believe living a lie is a slow death upon your soul. I believe that most people in the world are good.

2. I WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE …

My daughters have choices and control over their own life. Where hard work is rewarded. Where life may not always be easy, but I can live with ease. 

3. HERE’S WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE …

Everyone has a story. That includes the people you don't like or look down upon. Everyone is doing the best they can, not necessarily the best you expect. That also includes the people you don't like or look down upon. Life is not linear; a decision made at 20 doesn't always mean a set outcome at 40. I know for sure that an afternoon spent in the sun, on the sand, listening to the waves crash against the beach can heal me.

4. ALWAYS WEAR SUNSCREEN …

Girls, start moisturizing early. And don't forget to moisturize your neck as well as your face and hands.  Drink lots of water and get plenty of sleep. Laugh, smile and surround yourself with positive people, places and things.  It takes more effort to be nasty than it does to be kind. One nice word, affirmation, or thank you can brighten someones day. 

5. THE MICRO-MANIFESTO …

Just breathe. It's going to be OK. 

And.. for my bonus points to make my manifesto into a work of art... how fitting that Kid 5 surprised me with this hand made Christmas gift this year.

This post is part of #Reverb15, a series of daily writing prompts found at Kat McNally Words To Soothe The Weary Soul. 

Alchemy & Serendipity #Reverb15

While alchemy is the active process of creating something of value, serendipity is the passive path to finding an unexpected treasure. 

Looking back through 2015, what did you diligently try to create? 

What great thing did you just happen to find?

This is a special Reverb15 prompt because... I wrote it!

My lovely Australian friend Kat McNally invited me to collaborate with her this year on #Reverb and I couldn't be more excited to participate!

Also, that is my lovely daughter Kid 4 in the picture!

Now, just because I wrote today's prompt, doesn't mean I knew right away how to answer the prompt.  I'm a little behind in my Reverb this year because of my crazy insane work schedule, but the extra time has given me time to ponder and reflect on what I worked for this year, what I accomplished, and what I found unexpectedly.

Back in April I wrote a post titled Time To Take My Writing & My Yoga To The Next Level.  In the post I laid out a list of ways I needed to get serious about taking my writing seriously. I wrote it out, meant every word I said, and then forgot about it.

Yet, the power of manifesting intention has proven true once again! When I looked back at my list I was surprised/excited/pleased to see how much my hard work this year brought about some pretty cool things.

• Be invited to collaborate in one of the Reverb projects. Hello,  Kat McNally and Alana Lawson? Can I play too? Woop whoop here I am writing and collaborating for Reverb15. Thank you Kat and Alana for including me in your writing tribe.
• See my book for sale on Amazon. Oh yeah! Here's the link for Amazon sales. 
• See my book Creating A Joyful Life: The Lessons I Learned From Yoga and My Mom sitting on my book shelf. The book is on my bedroom bookshelf and, even better, on the bookshelf of our local library and local bookstore! 
• Sell a copy of my book to someone outside my social circle or to someone who doesn't feel obligated to buy it. The cool thing about Amazon is you can track your sales by geographical location. I have sold books in many many places that I don't personally know anyone. 
• Sell many copies of my book. Many is a subjective term, but I have sold many more than I expected to and I am very pleased with sales. 
• See my byline on Huffington Post. Well I wasn't picked up by the Huffington Post, but two different pieces I wrote were picked up by Yahoo! and even made the Yahoo! home page. Way cool!

Looking back, my hard work paid off and I hope that with continued hard work it will continue to pay off in the future. 

As for the serendipity part of this prompt, what did I just happen to find? Well I think I found the last item on my list:

• Take advantage of this time to finally become the person I am meant to be.

I think for the first time, in a long time, I am coming closer to the person I am meant to be. I'm still struggling in many ways, but now I hold my head high and say "this is the life that I have built."

This post is part of #Reverb15, a series of daily writing prompts found at Kat McNally Words To Soothe The Weary Soul. 

Secret Ingredient #Reverb15

Like, what if you had to give someone a recipe for how to make a YOU?

What major ingredients would be required? What method would you recommend?

How would your je ne sais quoi be recreated?

The recipe to make a Jennifer

- fierce loyalty
- intense desire to love and be loved
- stubborn willpower (to get things done or to cause your own downfall - depends on the day which way this one goes)
- a bit too much self doubt (to make sure you stay grounded and realistic or to cause your own downfall - depends on the day which way this one goes)
- love and appreciation for the arts
- creativity mixed with realism
- many, many books and a bookshelf big enough to store them all
- the desire need to travel regularly
- lots of chocolate

Warning: this recipe requires regularly scheduled breaks to sit on a beach and breathe salt air while recharging in the warm sun.

This post is part of #Reverb15, a series of daily writing prompts found at Kat McNally Words To Soothe The Weary Soul. 

Of Atoms And Stories #Reverb15

Muriel Rukeyser once wrote: The Universe is made of stories, not of atoms. And I could not agree more. Our stories are our own but, in sharing them, they become universal. And timeless. 

What stories touched you this year? Which stories of your own are you glad you shared?

2015 has been the year I finally told my story.

It's the year I published my book Creating A Joyful Life: The Lessons I Learned From Yoga & My Mom. It's also the year I finally told the story of my abusive marriage. And, it's the year I finally told the story of living in a family of addiction. And how addiction affects the whole family.

My story has been met with criticism, denial and even some who have tried to discredit me and call me a liar.  But, it's also been met with the tears and gratitude of those who believe me, because they too are living my same story.

Over and over again I hear people tell me they thought they were the only one, that no one else understands, that they feel so alone. I get it. I also have felt so alone. For many years I was afraid to speak up because no one would believe me. And I was too ashamed to admit the truth.

So, in silence, I suffered.

It's sometimes tough to write the truth, and even more difficult to allow it to be published knowing the anonymous Internet trolls are there waiting to tear me (or anyone) down. But I can't suffer in silence any more. I have to speak up to try to save not just my family, but myself as well.

Writing my story has helped to heal me.

By writing my story, I've given a voice to so many more people out there trying to save themselves as well.

And that is why I will continue to write. 

This post is part of #Reverb15, a series of daily writing prompts found at Kat McNally Words To Soothe The Weary Soul. 

Transformation #Reverb15

You wake up and the light through the window seems different, the air carries a chill or maybe a hint of warmer days. 

What has changed? You? The world? 

It can be a change that happened this past year or one you're looking toward in the time ahead. It can be a broad sweep obvious to all or a more subtle shift that only you know about. 

Tell us about transformation. 

What has changed? My life.

In the span of just three years I've gone from married to a divorced single mom. Working full time to publishing a book.  My finances going from scary to we're going to make it back to scary again.

Who has changed? Me.

A few years ago I didn't think I could make it on my own. Now I know I can and I will. I still don't know how, but I do know I will.

What continues to change? Everything.

I've been walking around for a while now saying something is going to happen in 2016. I'm not sure if it's going to be the rock bottom financial I've feared, or (hopefully), an upward change putting me in a better position, not just financially, but emotionally and physically as well. 

If I've learned anything, it's that life changes in an instant. And even if I sense it is coming, I'm never really sure of what it will actually end up being. 

This post is part of #Reverb15, a series of daily writing prompts found at Kat McNally Words To Soothe The Weary Soul. 

Ancestral Healing #Reverb15

   As each year progresses, we unknowingly gather many thoughts, beliefs, and patterns to us. In fact, what we are carrying may have been passed down to us from previous generations.  

Looking at the thoughts and patterns that may be holding you back from living the life you want, trace back through the generations of your family and see if your beliefs originated generations ago.  

In 2016, how can you bring healing to these patterns of thought that are holding you back?

Generational angst. 

We pass down our stories, our sorrows and our dreams.

This time of year my family passes down the same story; the story of the year the Salvation Army kept my grandfather and his family from starving during the Great Depression. Then, many years later, the Red Cross would charge my grandfather and his fellow soldiers for coffee and donuts. But at each train stop the Salvation Army was there to offer hot coffee and fresh donuts for free to the young servicemen. For those reasons alone the Salvation Army will always be on our giving list.

Kid 5 has a large jar at home just waiting to dump all the change we've collected into the Salvation Army kettle next time we are out at a store and see a bell ringer. 

Then there are the stories of sorrow. My grandmother, who was already being overtaken by Alzheimer's by the time my children came along, was a young child the day her mother told her to wait on the front porch while she went to the butcher shop. She promised my grandmother she would be right back. Her mother, my great grandmother, dropped dead there in the butcher shop from what we assume was a heart attack. So my grandmother waited on that porch step till long past dark. Her father had already been killed in the coal mines, now she was left alone to be raised by her brothers and sisters. This was before child welfare services, there was no one else to step in. One brother became a thief, a sister became the town whore. We'll never really know how being raised in that environment, and being left to often raise yourself, truly affected her. But from my recollections, my grandmother wasn't a happy woman.

I don't know what her dreams were. Maybe coming from that beginning she didn't even allow herself to dream. I know my mom had unfulfilled dreams. 

I have absolutely no concrete proof of this, yet I believe my mom was at times a discontented woman. I don't mean that to say she had regrets, that's not for me to know or say, but I mean I feel that at times she wondered "what if."

I know she was adamant with me and my sister about following our dreams and doing what we wanted. And during the times when we were discontent, she understood and supported us. But still always giving us that push to go, get up and do something with our life.

Even now I often feel like she is whispering to me, "Just go, do it. Don't hold yourself back."

As a single mom working myself to exhaustion for my kids, I believe that the moments I do pursue my dreams, are in homage to my mom and to her mom. I will try and do what they never could.

This post is part of #Reverb15, a series of daily writing prompts found at Kat McNally Words To Soothe The Weary Soul.