Monday, August 22, 2011

One Moment In A Life's Journey

I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want.

I want to be there. I don’t want to be here.
I want that. I don’t want this
I want to be that. I don’t want to be this.

It’s taken a lot to get myself where I am now.  But I don’t allow myself time to appreciate it.

I know that each step I take today is placing me on a path to a journey that I don’t know the destination of. And that scares me sometimes.

If I knew the outcome would I take a different step now? What if this is the wrong step? Can I change the outcome by doing something different now? What do I need to do today to get me there and get me that tomorrow?

I get so caught up inside my head of looking ahead that I forget to just be where I am right now.

When in truth, where I am at any given moment is exactly where I am supposed to be.

Then, very rarely, a moment occurs that I feel something. I feel something is right. To call it a peaceful feeling is too simplistic. It’s more of a knowing.

A knowing that it’s OK to just be.  Not looking back, not looking ahead. Just here and now.

That feeling, that knowing, is so strong that when it first hits me it takes my breath away. Then it makes me want to weep. Then, and then, I laugh. Because right now I'm here and for that brief moment in time it's all that matters.

I'm walking my path. My choices. My decisions. My journey. 

"No one can save us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. 
We ourselves must walk the path."
--- Buddha


  1. This is an awesome post, Jennifer. I actually shared this with my boyfriend because he's such a worrier and tends to worry about what if and what could be.

    He spends so much time worrying about what could be and what could happen that he forgets to enjoy the here and now. He also looks at everything as one giant problem and tries to avoid the problem instead of taking life one step at a time and trying to deal with problems as they come.

    There have definitely been a few bumps in our relationship, but as time goes on, we're learning each other and growing together. I'm also trying to help him deal with some of the things he worries about a little at a time, and am trying to be as supportive as I can be.

    I'm a little bit of a worrier too, but definitely not as bad as him. I learned from my mom (the wisest and smartest lady I have ever known) that instead of making this big long list of things to worry about, list out a few things at a time and figure out what you're going to DO about the things you're worried about.

    It feels so much better to get things taken care of, even though it might seem too tough at first to deal with.

    Sorry, got a little off topic there, but I absolutely loved your blog post and just wanted to let you know.

    Your outlook on life has inspired and moved me, and I just wanted to let you know! :)

  2. Thank you Aud. Your kind words have inspired me to keep searching and to keep writing.