Right Now, For Now

What is it that you do now? Today, we’re going to look at where we are, exactly as we are, right now. Grab a pen and a piece of paper; sit down in front of a screen with a keyboard; or dictate into one of those fancy smart phone apps!Tell us what fills your weeks, days and hours.

Right now I'm not at work. That's unusual for a Monday evening and feels very weird. Right now I'm also not at dance. Kid 4 has back-to-back dance classes tonight for four hours. It feels even weirder that I'm not at the dance school.

I am constantly struggling to find the balance between work/life/kids/myself. And I mostly fail.

At the beginning of this dance year I committed to only 2 nights per week to teach yoga/pilates and to help at the front desk. Of course I still have my full-time day job as well. Last year working full time days and four nights per week was just too much and my non-dancing kids got unintentionally ignored. As a single mom I'm working multiple jobs out of necessity, but that doesn't make it any easier on the kids who feel that I'm not giving them enough time. 

Since I work at a fitness center I fortunately can build exercise into my day. I go through spurts where I'm good about staying active and spurts where I'm not so active. Not coincidentally I feel better, more creative and am better able to keep the depression at bay when I'm moving and sweating more.

I also haven't been reading and writing as much as I would like to. I have been spending too much time laying in bed in front of reality TV at night. Mostly because I've been working too much, fighting depression and plain old exhausted.

Yes, I'm well aware that working too much and lack of self care are paths leading directly into depression for me. It's that whole struggle with balance thing I've got going on. It's just where I'm at right now.

For now. 

This post is part of #AugustMoon, a series of daily writing prompts found at Kat McNally Words To Soothe The Weary Soul.