Pushing Yourself Through Fear To Self Confidence

Last month one of my closest friends came back into town to celebrate her birthday. She chose a small group of us to celebrate with and she did all the party planning. It was perfect!

Until I heard what was planned.

We were all going to a local zip lining obstacle course.

Yeah! Kind of.

I'm not necessarily afraid of heights. I just have enough sense not to climb 40 feet up supported only by a couple ropes and shoulder harness. And, remember, all obstacles are also 40 feet up in the air.

After the initial fear though I really enjoyed it. There were a couple obstacles where I had legitimate fear and had to talk myself through it.  But I would definitely go back again and I felt a real sense of accomplishment when I was done.

While I was up climbing through the trees, it occurred to me this is why recovery programs have a physical challenge aspect to them. To build self confidence.

Duh.

I've written before about Kid 1's struggles with addiction. I've paid for more than one rehab for him. Each time he would tell me about repelling down a high tower or kayaking in the ocean. Although I tried to be supportive, my inner dialogue was always "yeah that's nice. I'm working my ass off to pay for you and you're having fun on vacation."

It built up resentment for sure.

It took being 40 feet up in the air myself, not trusting my support ropes, not believing in myself, and not thinking I was strong enough to do this that I finally realized the kid wasn't on vacation. He was leaning to trust himself and his support system.

Tonight Kid 3 called from Army Boot Camp to tell me he passed his physical fitness tests and he only has one week more to go. This week coming up is what used to be called hell week. Basically it's a week in the woods, little to no sleep, repelling down buildings and all sorts of other physical challenges.

I told him you can do this!

Yes, you'll be tired. Yes you'll be scared. But trust your training and trust in yourself.

Kid 1 had to learn it. And I had to learn it.

It's scary. But a lesson worth learning.

Never Stop Advocating For Your Kids

As parents, we are constantly balancing when to step in and help our kids and when to let them figure it out for themselves.

When parenting young adults, that balance becomes a little trickier.

When parenting young adults with a history of mental health and substance abuse issues, that balance is like walking a tightrope twenty stories high and constantly pushing the other person off yet at the same time pulling them back on.

I realized today that no matter how old your child is, he is still your child and you never stop advocating for them.

For two weeks now, all through pre-op procedures and appointments with specialists, Kid 1 has been open about his medical issues. All the trained medical professionals assured us it wouldn't be an issue in today's surgery.

At 5am this morning as he met one OR nurse after another, he told them what prescriptions he regularly takes. They all said it's not an issue.

Literally minutes away from being wheeled away into the OR, I said to the anesthesiologist, "you do know he takes a monthly dose of ..."

The anesthesiologist closed my sons chart and told everyone to immediately stop.

As it turns out, there was a contraindication with my sons medication, and one that very easily could have been harmful in surgery.

I am eternally grateful to Sean ( I'm pretty sure that was his name) for listening to us today. For having the knowledge to know when medications are an issue and for forcing a small delay into surgery today so they could come up with a medically safer plan.

I'm not a very churchy person, but I believe God put Sean in that operating room today for my son.

I also know that although I was unsure about speaking up for fear of my young adult child thinking I was taking control or not trusting him to take care of himself, I did the right thing in butting in to the doctors conversation.

Today's surgery may have been routine to them, but not to me or my child.

And no matter how old they get, or how old I get, I'll never stop advocating for my kids.

Weekend Interrupted

My plans for this weekend:

Regular weekend chores,

Begin the final look through of my book before it is published to Kindle.

Write at least one blog post.

Finish parenting article and submit.

Begin writing next yoga article assignment.


What really happened this weekend: 

Regular weekend chores.

I got caught up in these online training videos I'm required to do for my job before next weekend's practical training. I knew there were at-home assignments required before next weekend, but I had no idea they would take this long. I've been working on them for hours now and I still have more to do!

Yes, I'm grateful I have a job. Yes I want to keep my job.

But I'm really resentful it is taking up my only two days off!

And even more resentful that I accomplished nothing on my writing list.

Since these videos all have quizzes and final exams attached to them, I pretty much have to give them my mostly undivided attention. So, back to the videos I go now.

Finding The Time To Write vs. Making The Time To Write

IWSG Question: How do you find the time to write in your busy day?

We all know the answer I'm supposed to give here. How do you find time to write? You make the time to write.

Blah blah blah

But the real answer is, often times I don't find/make the time. Many times there legitimately isn't time. And sometimes, well, I'm just too lazy.

That's why a couple hours hiding in the corner of Starbucks typing away is such a joy. Or why I do most of my writing after 10pm when the kids are pretty much settled for the night.  With the new school year starting we also have a new dance schedule for kids 4 and 6. I had to rearrange my work schedule a little bit to be able to get them to dance 4 nights per week on time. The plus side to that is I have built two nights into that schedule where I hope to drop them at dance, and then head off to my favorite corner booth and spend the time writing until I have to pick them up again.

That's the plan. How well that plan works out remains to be seen.

Between working, being a single mom and all the other day-to-day drudgery, finding the time to write is a challenge. Making the time to write is a choice.

A choice I really wish I wasn't so often too wore out to make. 

This post is a part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group, a monthly meeting of writers who over think, under write and just want people to like them.