This Broken Foot Is Stressing Me Out

I got some news today on my broken foot that - potentially - could be problematic.

It's been nine looonngg weeks and the foot still isn't quite healing properly. I've been out of work totally these past few weeks to better stay off it and rest it. And I have followed these directions far better than I have followed doctors orders in the past.

But, there is still something wrong. The doctor threw around words like "permanent", "nerve damage" and "surgery".

I kind of spaced out after hearing the words permanent and surgery so I'm not real sure what else was said.

On the way home I began to freak out about:

 1- Money.
I am very grateful for worker's comp insurance but let's be real, when I do get the workers comp pay (whenever that ends up being) it won't be the same amount of my regular paycheck. And finances were beyond tight even when I was working all the time. So, this is an issue.

2 - The possibility that this could be a life-long thing.
I am too young to be dealing with permanent injuries. I don't want to have to say I can't hike, participate in 5K's, or just run around with my kids because of an old injury. I don't want to be debilitated yet. Well, ever. But not now!

I've written before about my health and fitness goal in life is to be the best 90-year-old I can be. I try to live my life with the idea of will what I'm doing today get me where I want to be tomorrow? I used to say I wanted to be in good enough shape to be a Grizzly Granny, moving and grooving along with those dancers, but the fact is I'm not a great dancer now, let alone in twenty or thirty years.

To make it worse, I hadn't been totally been staying on top of my "best 90-year-old I can be" lifestyle choices this past year. Soda and junk food have crept their way into my life, combined with way less yoga and walking than I'm used to.

Now I feel like I'm injured and not starting to heal from a  place of optimal health. I know I'm not starting this in good fighting shape.

But, it is what it is I suppose.

I've spent my time off getting quite a bit of writing done, a lot of reading and I've been doing a meditative heavy yoga practice rather than flowing vinyasas.  Except for the broken foot, it's actually been kind of nice.

But, if this goes on much longer, it will definitely stop being kind of nice.

It's Happening. I'm Getting Older. And I'm Eating More Donuts.

Do you ever have those moments where you just think, "Wow, how did my life end up here?"

I've had many of those moments these past few years. But last night's moment was a bit different.

Picture it: 11:30pm in the not nicest part of downtown Memphis. A slight drizzle. A bit of a chill. Dressed up more than I've been dressed up in a long time. With my best gal pal on our first girls night out in well over a year.

We had been to the Orpheum Theater to see Jersey Boys. We loved the show but when it was over we weren't quite ready to go home. To our right, just one short block away, was the entrance to Beale

Street.

We looked to our right. We looked at each other and silently shared the collective memories we have of too many, too-late nights dancing, drinking, and ... other stuff on Beale Street.

Nah.

We both decided we just didn't feel like Beale Street was our thing anymore.

But we weren't ready to go home.

And I'm not even sure how it came up. But somehow I mentioned I had never had a Krispy Kreme donut. My BFF was shocked. She felt like she had let me down in never taking me to the Krispy Kreme experience. After all, I take her to Broadway shows, the least she could do is reciprocate the excitement.

She pulled up her Krispy Kreme app and off we went in search of the HOT NOW sign.

And that's how we ended up in a not very nice part of town at 11:30pm eating ourselves into a sugar coma.

And that's when I realized a night on Beale Street no longer seemed like fun to me.

And, that means, I'm getting older.

And, you know what? I am OK with that.

Book Two Has Officially Begun

UPDATE: The Kindle version is complete and it looks GOOD! And, even better, there are good people in the world who stick to their word and help deliver a professional product. 

Before you read this post: I am only talking about the Kindle conversion of my book Creating A Joyful Life: The Lessons I Learned From Yoga and My Mom. The paperback version is good and I'd be ever so grateful to anyone who bought it :) 

So tonight I reached my frustration limit.

I'm beyond annoyed and frustrated at some issues converting my book into Kindle format. I'm beyond annoyed and frustrated with some of the professional people I entrusted to help me.

I'm feeling like the little guy who is getting screwed over by the bigger guys.

But, because this is how my crazy mind works, I feel guilty for thinking that. What if they aren't screwing me over and I'm just being unreasonable? What if this is just the way people do business and I'm not equipped to play this way? What if I'm the one in the wrong? I'm embarrassed to have a Kindle book out there with my name on it that is sloppy, why aren't they? (Side note: I explained the whole situation to a fellow group of writers and every one of them agreed with me. But still, maybe...)

And I really hate thinking those things because I genuinely have enjoyed working with these other professionals. They have opened doors for me and guided me. But something over the summer changed and I feel like all I am anymore to them is an annoying little gnat.

And then one of the kids pissed me off and my paycheck was low because I'm still off work for my damn broken foot and ... well it was just turning out to be a really crappy evening.

So, out of anger and frustration, I began book two.

Weird right? The things that motivate us.

My motivation was "Well fine! If my book, that I worked so hard for, won't ever be the professional looking, well laid out Kindle version it is supposed to be, that I was promised it would be, I guess I have no choice but to live with that. BUT... I am not quite as naive to the way the book business works anymore. I know more. I'm more confident in my abilities. So... I will just start book two and make sure it turns out the way I want it to myself! So there!"

See, I am a little crazy.

But whatever. It's what finally got me to sit down and begin to map out book two.

I'm not announcing anything else yet other than I have officially begun book two. Because, if this process goes anything like it did last time, it'll be another year before I even talk about how much if any progress has been made. And if the book is finished, I'll probably then be scrambling asking people to help me because maybe I really can't or shouldn't do this all on my own.

Maturing In My Yoga Practice

This past weekend I attended a two-day yoga teacher training. It's the first one I've been to in over a year.

Yoga teacher trainings are tiring, long, brain intensive and absolutely delightful. It's one of the very rare times I feel like I truly belong.

Yoga teacher trainings always give me a good reminder of my dharma.

This year though, I attended training with a big clunky boot cast on my foot. Six weeks ago I fractured my foot, sprained my ankle and did some damage to the ligaments in the ankle. Yeah me! I've got a couple more weeks to go in the boot and then physical therapy.

When it was time for the yoga practice part of the day, everyone looked at me and my boot.

Oh, no worries, I'm taking this thing off and doing some yoga!

As a yoga teacher, I'm always telling my students to ground evenly through their feet. Spread the toes. Root down in order to lift up.

Oh, sweet baby Jesus, mother **%*, damn that hurts! And all I did was try to spread my toes.

Now, in years past, I would have been totally willing to amputate the foot myself and keep going. In times past, there was no way I would even consider not keeping up with the class or not finding the full expression of the poses.

But, this time, I accepted down dog was out of the question. I was fine with modifying the poses and in a couple cases, even doing a completely different pose that was accessible to me while the class did something else.

I think I'm actually, finally, maturing in my yoga practice.

After ten years, 500 hours of Yoga Alliance recognized teacher trainings, I can't even count how many hours of teaching, my own hit or miss yoga practice, I do believe I am now practicing yoga.

Yoga as it is meant to be practiced.

The Time Has Come

I think it's time for a name change on this blog.

I am very attached to the name Diapers, Detentions And Downdogs. That has been my life for 20 years now!

Last year when my book was published, I had experts in publishing and marketing tell me I needed to better brand myself. I needed a dedicated website and not just my blogspot blog. I refused to give up blogspot. I mean I flat out said no it will not happen. This blog helped save me and helped me restart my life.

So, we compromised and developed jenniferwilliamsfields.com.

They said I need to pin down who I am, what is my specialty, what makes me unique?

Umm......

Really it was their way of saying the Diapers, Detentions and Downdogs name just wasn't professional. It was too broad and too vague.

Again I refused. I LOVE that name! It is never leaving. I even wrote about my attachment to the name in a post last summer:

Originally the blog was titled YogaLifeWay because, at the time, I was building an independent yoga business and that was the name I was using. The business was successful, but due to life's circumstances, it never really had a chance to take off.

And I'm OK with that. Life changes and we have to change with it.

I've always loved the Diapers, Detentions and Downdogs description and I want to keep that. That is my life. I no longer have diapers to change (hallelujah!), but as long as the independent, sometimes obstinate Fields kids are in school I'm sure I'll still have detentions to deal with. And I'll never get rid of downdogs.

I considered revising to:

A Yogi's Journey Through Diapers, Detentions, Death, Divorce & Downdogs

But that's a bit too much.

So I'm keeping the Diapers, Detentions and Downdogs part. But below I've added:

A Yogi's Journey To Create A Life She Loves

Because, really, that's what it's all about. 

But now here I am again. I think this time I'm ready to get rid of Diapers, Detentions & Downdogs. Maybe it really doesn't express who I currently am as well as it should.

I was reading through a list of other blogs tonight and I realized I was only clicking on the blogs whose blog name drew me in. Would Diapers, Detentions and Downdogs really draw anyone in? Especially if I'm not writing about diaper type stuff anymore?

So... it is time.

The blog shall now henceforth and always be titled:

Downdogs and Deadlines

Let's be real, my yoga and my writing are never going anywhere. I can't not practice yoga and I can't not write just like I can't not breathe. They are who I am.

Of course, the web address will stay the same: jenniferwilliamsfields.blogspot.com

I think, I hope, Downdogs and Deadlines gives a more accurate picture of who I am. 

I'm still keeping the A Yogi's Journey To Create A Life She Loves part under the title. Whether it's yoga, writing, or dealing the my kids detentions, I'm always moving forward to create a life I love.

When Do You Know Your Story Is Ready

October 5 IWSG Question: When do you know your story is ready?

You just do.

I say that like it's so easy.

But when I was writing my first book (get ready for a shameless plug here) Creating A Joyful Life: The Lessons I Learned From Yoga and My Mom , I thought the book was finished more than once. Actually probably a few times.

Finish #1: I had completed the first draft. Years of thinking about writing and 9 months of writing had finally brought me to the point I WROTE A BOOK! Life is good. I have accomplished something.

Just a couple weeks later I got the unexpected news I was getting divorced. And it was not the nice amicable kind of divorce. I was so devastated I thought my life was over and my book was crap so I literally picked up the manuscript and threw it in the trash. Dumb, I know.

About a year later I was flying home to help my dad and I found the manuscript on my hard drive. I realized my life was not over - it just needed a rewrite!

Finish #2: The rewrite is complete! My book is complete! My life isn't over! And I sent draft number 2 off to the editor. She loved it. Life is good.

And... then I had a crisis with one of my children. Book? What book? My life was consumed with doctors, hospitals, therapists, blame and tears.

This lasted probably another 6 months.

Then, and I swear this is true, I awoke from sleeping in the middle of the night and wrote the ending to my book.

Just like that. It was finished.

And, this time, I knew it was ready.

It sure would have been nice not to have to go through those years of trauma and drama, but I can honestly say it made my book better because it made it real. Everything I wrote in that book I lived and learned. That book was truly my blood, sweat, tears, heart and soul.

I'm now in the process of contemplating book 2. It's in my head, I'm just having some trouble getting it on paper.

Hopefully it won't take so many years and so much heartache this time around.

This post is a part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group, a monthly meeting of writers who over think, under write and just want people to like them. 

6 Teen-Approved Podcasts For Family Listening

Earlier this summer me and three of the kids embarked on an 11-hour car drive to Iowa.

Iowa - the land of corn and cows. Well, corn, cows and dance competitions

Kid 4 had left a couple days ahead of myself and Kids 5 & 6 so our ride up there wasn't quite as snug as the ride home. But we were only about 3 hours into the drive when already the bickering and "I'm bored" mantras started.

In order to drown out the whining, I turned on one of the podcasts I have on my phone that I listen to either in the gym or out walking the neighborhood.

What happened next was pure magic.

They got quiet and listened. And asked for another episode. And another.

Podcasts were so successful I made sure to download some new ones before our return drive home.

You can read more about our family's favorite podcasts on my new Parent.co post here.